Part 1

She'd been crying again. She always tried to hide it from everyone, but she'd never be able to fool him. The instant she walked through the Watcher's door, he knew. He just wished there was something he could do for her....

At length the girl's obvious sadness became too much for him; taking advantage of everyone else's distraction, he sat next to her and attempted to offer what support he could. "How you doing?" he asked quietly.

Willow glanced over at him, and gave a weak smile. "I'll, I'll be all right. Really."

"I'm sorry, pet," he admitted, low enough that even sitting right next to him, she barely heard.

"For what? Spike, it's not your fault."

"I encouraged you to get involved with her, I--I thought she'd be good for you. I should've just--" he cut himself off, not wanting to give vent to his more violent thoughts on the subject and risk scaring her.

She sighed in agreement, but knew she didn't really want for him to have done...whatever it was he'd been thinking about. "It's not your fault," she repeated, matching his low tones; if the others heard any of this, awkward explanations were sure to follow. "You didn't know--none of us did. You said it yourself: you thought she'd be good for me. You were trying to do the right thing, to look out for me, and believe me, I appreciate that. I don't blame you at all."

She waited for a response; when none came, she glanced over to find him glowering. Until about a year earlier, that expression on his face never failed to make her afraid, even after he got the chip. Ever since the whole Buffy/Faith body-switching episode, however, she found herself trusting him, at least insofar as she believed he would not intentionally hurt her. Perhaps she was being foolish--he'd never said anything further to indicate his feelings for her remained what he'd hinted at the time--but he didn't seem like the type to...to stop caring for someone after such a short time. She only needed to look at how long he'd loved Drusilla to come to that conclusion; and while she didn't begin to pretend that he'd ever feel the same way about her, the mere fact that he'd said anything at all, not to mention given so much thought to the problems any potential relationship between them would have--and didn't simply dismiss those problems in favor of some temporary fling, like he'd had with Harmony--well, she couldn't help but feel he must still care about her a little, at least as a friend. Not, of course, that he'd ever admit as much.

But even though she was no longer scared of him, she didn't like to see him so...gloomy. She knew from past experience that if left to his own devices, his mood would only get worse, until finally he lashed out at one of the Scoobies--probably not Willow, but you never knew. It would be all right if she knew he would direct his anger and frustration her way, since at least she understood some of where it was coming from, but if he was already concerned for her, Spike might turn it on someone else. Buffy, probably. Which meant then Willow would have the unenviable task of keeping the two of them from destroying each other, Spike with words, Buffy with her ever-present stake. You'd think that after all this time, they'd learn to get along, but frankly, she didn't think either of them were even trying. So she would have to get him out of this mood before it was too late to do anything about it.

"And, hey, even if you'd known she was lying to me like that, what could you have done? We thought she was, was h-human, so for all you knew, you couldn't so much as, as point a toy gun in her direction."

"Yeah, but I should've known. Shoulda felt that Tara was another demon. It's like a survival instinct, you know? You spend that much time around a fellow demon, you just sense it, even if they look human. Only...I didn't. I never had a bloody clue. And look what happened," he grumbled.

Willow started to protest, but noticed Buffy shooting concerned glances in their direction. "Um, I really don't think we should talk about this here...."

"Yeah. Right." Spike thought for a minute, then got up, grabbed his coat, and left the apartment. A few minutes later, Willow decided to return to the dorm; she clearly wasn't being much use that evening with the research, so she told Buffy she was heading home, reassured her that she'd be fine without an escort, and left as well.

She'd barely left Giles' apartment complex when she saw a familiar figure leaning against a tree, apparently waiting for her. Wordlessly, Spike fell into step beside her, as he'd done so many times in the past year. They were halfway back to campus before Willow spoke again.

"Spike, what's wrong with me?" she asked plaintively. "I mean, first Oz cheats on me and runs off, then he returns but has to leave again because I make him go all wolfy when even the full moon doesn't anymore, and now I find out that Tara's been lying to me about even being human for over a year! What do I keep doing wrong?"

"Stop that, Willow," he told her harshly, coming to a stop and turning her around to face him. "It is not your bloody fault! None of it! Those morons just didn't recognise a good thing when they had it. There is not a bloody thing you could've done differently to change that. I don't want to hear you blaming yourself again, understand?" He refused to release her gaze until she nodded reluctantly; he gave her shoulders a gentle, comforting squeeze before letting her go and resuming their walk.

Just before they reached her dorm, Spike stopped her again. "Willow...you know this kind of thing isn't easy for me to say, but...I hope you know that you can come to me. When you need to talk. Or cry, or yell, or just plain hit something. I mean, that's what friends are for, yeah?"

"What, beating up on each other?" she managed to joke with a faint smile in her voice.

"Yeah, love," he returned with a grin. "That's what's wrong with you humans--not enough violence in your friendships."

"I'll keep that in mind," Willow replied dryly, turning to open the door. Just before she disappeared into the building, she looked back at him. "Spike? Thank you."

"Anytime, pet. Anytime."

Part 2

Slowly, Willow was starting to deal with the whole Tara mess. It helped tremendously that this time, her friends actually seemed to be trying to help her through it. Well, Anya just kept talking about how much she hoped Willow wouldn't try to do any magic this time, but Buffy and Xander were making an effort to be more understanding than they had the year before. It was hard, she knew, but they took time out of their own relationships to try and cheer her up, or distract her, or just listen to her. Even Giles did his best, despite still being uncomfortable when it came to relating to them on a more personal level; he kept offering ice cream or chocolates, which at least made her smile. And he was comforting, just by being Giles; sometimes when she wasn't feeling up to being sociable, she could go over to his place to sit in silence as he went about his day and find herself feeling better after a while, simply from knowing he was there for them.

It was amazing how much easier it seemed, dealing with Tara's betrayal of her trust, with everyone giving her the support she'd been denied when Oz had left. In her gloomier moments, she couldn't help suspecting they just didn't want a repeat of that horrid will-be-done spell, but deep down she knew that was being unfair. Their whole group had grown closer ever since the bonding spell, more like they'd been in high school. But the person who was helping her most was Spike.

During the past year, they'd begun spending more time together--just informally, as friends, but it meant that she'd started to feel close to him, former enemy or not. They'd even managed to get past the pain he'd caused her with some of the things he'd said back when he was working for Adam, trying to drive the Slayerettes apart. And ever since they'd uncovered Tara's deception, he seemed determined to take care of her. Willow had no doubts that if her ex-girlfriend were still in Sunnydale, Spike would have hunted her down in retaliation, and while she was glad that hadn't happened, she couldn't help but feel touched. It was so rare that she had someone who cared enough to fight for her like that. He always knew how to cheer her up, too--and he was a great storyteller. She'd spend hours just listening to him tell stories from his past, thankful that he limited them to ones that didn't involve much in the way of blood or other ickiness. Knowing there was lots of it in her friend's past was one thing, hearing the details quite another.

But he did more than just distract her. He listened to her, took her pain seriously, commiserated, and even encouraged her to rant and rave and yell. Spike was, not suprisingly, a big believer in the cathartic power of anger, and was quite willing to be the object of hers, if it helped relieve some of her feelings over Tara. He never failed to make her smile with his snide comments and dry, sarcastic wit. In fact, when she was feeling resentful towards her other friends, she could count on him to insult them--and somewhere during the course of her automatic defenses, she'd invariably remember why she cared about them so much. Somehow she always came away from spending time with Spike happier than she'd been before.

She knew her other friends still hated him, however, so she thought it best not to let them know she and Spike were spending so much time together. She actually trusted him not to say anything, even though normally he loved stirring up trouble among the Scoobies. He wouldn't do something to hurt her like that now, while she was still getting over the last time someone betrayed her trust. It wasn't too difficult to make time to spend with him, without telling the others that was where she was, though; they weren't leaving her almost entirely at loose ends like the year before, but Buffy and Xander also seemed determined not to smother her, so there were always a few nights each week when they left her some time to be by herself if she wanted. She used most of those nights to visit with Spike instead.

She was suprised by Buffy's asking her to give a message to Spike one night, as she headed off for patrol. Willow tried to disclaim any expectations of seeing him soon, but her roommate just shook her head and smiled.

"Will, it's okay. I know you and Spike have been...hanging out for a long time. You think of him as a friend now; I've dealt with that. I still don't like him, but then, I don't have to. And, I mean, at least you're just friends--for a while there, back around the time Faith woke up, I started to think...well, never mind. But friends, I can handle. And...I know we, Xander and I, weren't exactly doing so hot at the whole understanding aspect of friendship, back when you were going through this last year. And then I remembered how you were always there to listen to me talk about Angel, for so many years, and how much that helped...so I'm glad that you've got someone to talk to now yourself, even if it is Spike."

"Wow, I...I don't know what to say, Buffy. I know you don't like him, but he's really been great to me, and it means a lot that you're not going to, you know, stake him or something," Willow said with a grin.

"I'm not so sure about that," Buffy teased back. "I can still kick his ass, and you may want to remind him of that fact if he starts getting all Big Bad with you."

"I'll be sure to do that! But you'd better go now--you're going to be late, and I'd really rather you didn't explain to Giles just why, if you don't mind."

"Gotcha. Anyway, let him know to keep an eye out for that demon, and we'll pretend I don't know a thing about where you're spending the evening, deal?"

"Deal. And thanks."

Part 3

It was with a relatively light heart that Willow made her way to Spike's crypt. Knowing that she didn't have to try and hide their friendship from Buffy anymore was a big relief.

Of course, that didn't mean she couldn't make him worry a bit first....

Stopping just before she came into sight of his new crypt, Willow tried to school her expression into one of more distress, less happiness. When she thought she had it, she turned the corner and began approaching the crypt slowly, eyes downcast, feet dragging.

It worked. Spike was leaning against the side of the building, smoking. When he caught sight of her, he started to wave a greeting, but then took a closer look and tossed aside his half-smoked cigarette. He came towards her quickly, face covered in concern.

"Red? Willow, what's wrong?"

"Oh, Spike," Willow said with a slight sob that she hoped would disguise the laughter she had to choke back, "it's Buffy, she...she...."

"She what, pet? What did she do to you?" He was getting angry, she could tell; best to end this soon, before he went off and tried to hurt someone.

"Spike, she...she knows about, about us being friends. She said...."

"What did she say?" he growled.

"She...she said to remind you that if you hurt me, she can still kick your ass even if you weren't chipped, and that she wants you to let us know if you see that demon that got away from her during patrol the other night," Willow grinned. "She also said that in case Giles asks, she'll pretend she doesn't know what I do on the nights I'm not with the rest of the gang."

The expression on Spike's face was priceless, she decided. In fact, she couldn't help giggling, even knowing how much he hated to be laughed at. It was just too much; she didn't think she'd ever seen Spike stupefied before. Confused, yes; surprised even; definitely angry, of course; but this.... He just stood there, blinking dazedly, some of the protectiveness and rage and barely-repressed violence he'd been feeling moments before still on his face as he waited for the fact that there was no need for him to rush off and defend her from the Slayer after all to sink in.

"Well," he said after a few moments, "I'm glad at least one of us is enjoying this." In all honesty, it was good to see her in such a good mood. He wasn't going to begrudge her this, not after everything she'd been through in the last couple of years; and this was surely the first time he'd seen her laugh like that, without that shadow that had lain over everything she did, since she'd broken up with Tara. He also had to admit that not having to worry about being staked for simply offering her his friendship and support was a weight off his mind.

"I'm sorry, Spike, but you should've seen your face! I just couldn't resist. I'm sorry if I had you worried; I guess I'm in kind of a giddy mood right now. I just found out that Buffy even knew we'd become friends a few minutes before I left the dorm, and I'm still surprised at how well she took it, myself. So just ignore me tonight, or who knows what silliness will occur. I feel like I've had too much caffeine, or something."

"Nothing wrong with a bit of silliness, love, just so long as it's not directed at me. Master vampire, remember?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot to be scared. Do you want me to come back and try it again?"

He just shook his head in mock exasperation. "Whatever am I going to do with you, pet? I can't just go around allowing some mere human to laugh at me and live to tell, now can I?"

"But, Spike," she said innocently, eyes wide, "surely as a master vampire you don't have to conform to other people's rules, right? I mean, how would it look for a master to let his minions' expectations dictate what he does?"

This time he was the one to start laughing. "You have a point there, pet. And that's good news, about Slutty. Just don't expect me to go around being nice to her, or anything, got it?"

Willow nodded. "I know. She doesn't like you, either. But she did say she was okay with our being friends, so if you could just try not to provoke her too much, I'd really appreciate it. I hate having my friends all fighting each other."

Spike gave her his most stubborn look, but he couldn't keep it up for long. He sighed, forced to acknowledge that he couldn't disappoint her when she was in this mood. Not now. Not when she was really smiling again, and looking at him so hopefully. "Fine, love, I'll try. But I'm not promising anything, and if she starts something, all bets are off, got that?"

"Thanks, Spike. I know how hard it is for you to be nice. And I won't even ask you to be nice to Xander, too--not for, oh, another week or so, anyway."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Red," he grumbled, not wanting to let her know how much he enjoyed having her joke with him again. "Now, what did you have in mind for us to do tonight?"

Part 4

Willow was amazed at how supportive Buffy proved to be over the next few weeks, regarding her friendship with Spike. There were several occasions where it was clear that she was making it easier for them to spend time together--covering for her with Giles and the others when Willow missed an unexpected Scooby meeting, making excuses so she could get out of joining them at the Bronze or Xander's movie nights when she'd already made plans with Spike, even limiting the taunts about his chip. It was clear to Willow, though probably no one else, that the bickering between vampire and Slayer had grown less mean-spirited, the comments less pointed. She doubted anything would get the two of them to stop entirely and begin acting their ages, but they were no longer actually trying to hurt each other, so she was content. They had apparently called an unofficial truce for her benefit, and that meant more to her than they would ever know.

She had extra reason to be glad of that when one night she and Spike were going for a walk and ran into Buffy patrolling--with Xander. Even after her roommate had taken the knowledge of their friendship so well, Willow hadn't had the nerve to tell Xander about it. She loved him dearly, and always would, but their own friendship had suffered in the past couple of years, and they just weren't as close anymore. She had no idea how he would react, knowing how much he'd hated vampires ever since learning Jesse had become one. If he despised Angel that much, even before losing the soul, how could he possibly accept Spike?

Her first instinct when she saw them coming was to turn and run away, but it was too late--she could tell Xander'd already seen them. She found herself unable to do anything but stand where she was, frozen, as the surprise in his expression turned to distrust and even a bit of anger, his gaze alternating between her and her companion. Feeling somewhat guilty, she let go of Spike's hand and waited nervously for whatever Xander might do.

She knew when Spike realised they'd been found out, because she felt him stiffen beside her, his stance taking on that belligerent air that she'd come to realise meant he'd gone into protective mode. It would have been sweet, even amusing, had the situation been happening to someone else; having this temporarily-defenseless, seemingly cold-hearted vampire deliberately seek to draw the attention and anger to himself, hoping to spare her from being hurt.... Who ever would have thought? But she didn't have time to dwell on that, because Xander was coming towards them, brushing off Buffy's attempts to restrain him.

"Would someone care to tell me what the hell is going on here?"

"Xander, it's not what it looks like...."

"Really, Will? 'Cause I'm thinking it looks like you've been going around behind our backs to spend time with our mortal enemy."

"Okay, so it is what it looks like. But it's not what you're thinking! I mean, Spike and I are friends. And he hasn't been my enemy for a long time; I trust him. Oh, and Buffy's okay with it, so it's not really behind your backs...." Willow trailed off, knowing that Xander was right. She'd been...not quite lying to her friends, but certainly deceiving them, and considering how upset she got about Tara's doing the same to her, what excuse could she possibly have?

"Buffy's okay with this?" he repeated incredulously, turning to look at her. "Please tell me I didn't hear that right."

"Um, actually, Xan...yeah, I am. He's been good to her, since, uh, the Tara thing. A much better friend than you and I were after Oz left. So yeah, I've decided not to object to their friendship. Besides," she shrugged, "he knows that if he ever hurts her, I'll have no qualms anymore about staking him, so we don't have to worry about it."

Willow held her breath waiting for him to absorb that, grateful that for once Spike was keeping silent. He seemed to realise that this was between the three of them, and that he could only make things worse if he tried to interfere.

"But Willow, this is Spike! Have you forgotten how he kidnapped us? Betrayed us to Adam? Tried to kill us I don't know how many times?"

"No, I haven't. But I also haven't forgotten that he helped us get Faith out of Buffy's body, or...or that he helped Buffy rescue Giles and save us all from Acathla. Or that he's helped us fight I don't know how many demons since being chipped. Or that he's been a really good friend to me these past several weeks. Besides," she couldn't resist adding, her voice rising as she remembered how she'd felt at the time, "I seem to recall how it was okay for you to date Cordelia, who'd made our lives miserable for over ten years; but now I can't be friends with Spike, who didn't torment us for nearly as long?"

"Wait a minute, that's not fair!"

"Maybe not," Willow conceded, "but it's also not fair for you to try and tell me who I can and can't be friends with! I love you, Xander, but I can't let you dictate my life."

"So you're choosing him over me?!?"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

Spike and Buffy just stood watching the two of them, neither one daring to interrupt. Finally Xander announced, "I'm sorry, Willow, but I just can't deal with this. I can't stand by and let you...be friends with some evil, homicidal vampire."

"'Let' me? Xander Harris, you don't let me do anything! If I want to be friends with someone, I will, and if you have a problem with that, well, that's your problem!" she yelled.

"Oh yeah? If that's how you feel about it, then maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while!"

"I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't."

She watched him storm off, still caught up in her anger. It wasn't until she felt Spike's hand on her shoulder that it hit her: she may have just lost her best friend. Blinking back tears, she turned to face him. "What did I just do? I--I didn't mean that!"

"I'm sure he knows that, love."

"You don't understand--I can't not be friends with Xander! We've always been best friends. I can't even remember before we met. I need him," she sobbed. Spike pulled her closer, and she let herself cling to him as she cried. She didn't want to have to choose between her oldest friend and her newest. She needed Xander; he was a part of her. They had so many shared experiences that no one else could touch. Yet even as she cried over having maybe lost him, she heard Spike's voice murmuring in her ear, felt his arms around her, and knew she couldn't give him up, even for Xander. She didn't know what to do.

When she had cried herself out, she pulled slightly away from Spike and mumbled her thanks. Glancing up, she was startled by the depth of the concern she saw in his eyes. Willow found herself unable to look away, and lost track of how long they just stood there gazing at each other before Buffy broke in.

"Um, guys, this is all very touching and whatever, but don't you think we could do this someplace else? Hanging around the middle of Sunnydale this late at night...well, it just doesn't seem like a good plan for some silly reason."

Willow turned and looked uncertainly at her roommate, relaxing only when she saw the understanding smile Buffy gave her. Relieved she hadn't lost all her other friends, she left Spike's arms and went to give her a hug. "Thank you for standing up for me, Buffy. I just hope he doesn't hold this against you, too."

"I'm sure Xand'll come around. He needs you, too, Wills; he just forgot that for a while there. But now, can we please get inside? I'm done with patrol, and it's getting kinda chilly out here."

Spike strolled over to them. The Slayer may not be his favourite person in the world, but he knew Willow needed her right now, and could put up with her for one evening. "Where to, pets?"

"Um..." Buffy paused to think. "The dorm, I guess. I mean, Giles would just ask what was up if we went over there, and I don't think we want to deal with this twice in one night."

"Definitely not," Willow agreed fervently.

They had been sitting in the girls' room for about an hour, talking about whatever they could think of except for Xander, when he knocked on the frame of their open door.

"Um...can I come in?"

Buffy glanced at Willow to see if she objected before waving him in. He glanced warily at Spike before taking a seat on Willow's bed.

"Look, I know we both said some harsh things tonight, and I'm sorry. I've been thinking, and I realised I can't bear the chance that I might have driven you away. You're right, Will, I shouldn't try to tell you who you could hang out with. You didn't do that to me when you found out about Cordy, and you had at least as much reason to be upset, considering. I mean, it's not like you're going around kissing Spike in closets," he joked, before panicking. "Are you?" He gave a sigh of relief when she shook her head. "But I don't have to like it. And you," he turned to Spike, "don't you forget that right now, even I can beat you up, and I will if you give me the slightest reason to."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

Xander sighed. "Does this mean he's going to be around all the time again?" he whined.

"And what if it does? Not like there aren't already unwanted members of your little Scooby Club. I'm fine with her, but the girls and Rupert have never really liked Anya, and let's face it, no one likes Riley. I don't see where one more universally-disliked member would make a difference, if I did want to hang around you lot."

"What? They do too like Anya! Tell him, Buffy! Will?"

"Um...actually, Xan...well, she's a lot better than Cordelia," Buffy finally told him, relieved that there was at least one positive thing she could say. "Look, this isn't going to get us anywhere. I think we're all pretty much agreed that no one except Willow wants Spike around, and he feels the same about the rest of us. But he does have a point; and as long as he's willing to help out with the slaying," she emphasised with a glare in Spike's direction, "I don't see any valid reason why we can't tolerate him as we have other people in the past."

"So...are we friends again?" Willow ventured.

"Always."

Part 5

Since both Buffy and Xander now knew about Spike's being close to Willow, it was only a matter of time before Riley and Anya found out, so he began joining them occasionally when the gang got together for non-slayage activities. Xander continued to grumble, Riley shot Spike mistrustful glares all the time, and everybody hated it when Anya and Spike started reminiscing about their past demonic deeds, but for the most part everyone managed tolerably well. Xander, though he would rather die than admit as much, even began to prefer the times Spike joined them, since at least it meant he and Willow weren't off alone possibly doing things Xander got sick just thinking about. Well, and he hadn't had anyone he could insult so much without his conscience getting in the way since Angel left. Before anyone knew what had happened, they were even considering him a member of the gang, albeit a reluctant one--rather like Cordelia had been at first.

Unfortunately, once they started accepting Spike as one of them, it grew more and more difficult to remember that Giles still didn't know. They were so accustomed to trying not to keep anything secret from him after he'd been so hurt at not being told Riley was in the Initiative that it felt weird, all of them knowing something Scooby-related that he didn't.

With Willow's birthday approaching, Xander, Buffy, and Giles wanted to do something special for her; one afternoon they gathered at Giles' place to make plans, with Anya serving as a lookout in case Willow should drop by.

They'd considered the idea of a surprise party, but soon discarded it; having been the one to plan Buffy's a couple years earlier, Willow was sure to figure it out.

"Oooh! I have an idea!"

"Yes, Xander?"

"Well, when we were kids, she used to dream about getting all dressed up and going to one of those fancy, children-not-allowed, no-way-they'd-ever-let-me-in kinds of restaurants, you know? The kind where we'd probably have to start saving now to be able to take her to on her birthday? Said they always seemed so grown-up, or something. So we could take her to one. And the best part is, we wouldn't really have to do any planning or preparing or decorating--or cleaning up afterwards."

"You know, Giles, I'm liking the sound of that--especially the lack of cleaning part," Buffy agreed.

"Anya? What are your thoughts on this?"

Without turning from the window, she just replied, "Whatever."

"Very well, then, if you think she would enjoy that rather than a traditional party, and Riley agrees, then I shall make the reservations this weekend."

"I'll talk to Riley tonight, Giles. I guess when the day comes I'll have to tell Willow something, though, or it will be hard to get her into something appropriately dressy...," Buffy mused.

"Great. So...who gets the fun of inviting Spike?"

Buffy grimaced. "I suppose I can do it. Shouldn't be too hard to get a moment with him away from Willow while on patrol some night."

"Um, excuse me for a moment," Giles interrupted, "but did I just hear you make plans for inviting Spike to Willow's birthday celebration?"

"Well, yeah," Xander said. "Will would be mad if we didn't include him, after all, and it is her birthday...," his voice trailed off as he caught sight of the expression on Giles' face. "And you didn't know about that, did you? Oh, boy...."

"Listen, Giles, we can explain--it's not what you're thinking--" Buffy scrambled for a way to inform her Watcher of the friendship between Willow and Spike without making things worse. She wasn't having much luck when Anya spoke up again.

"Um, guys, if you're trying to keep all this a secret you might want to do this later. Willow's about to--" She got cut off by the door opening.

"Hi, guys. What's up?"

Everyone was looking at her; Xander and Buffy had their "we did something bad, please forgive us" faces on, and Giles had that look that said he'd just learned something that both stunned and disappointed him, but he was too British to say anything about it. Not good signs, any of them.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused. "Did I do something?"

"Uh, Will? I think you might want to sit down," Buffy suggested. Taking a seat on the couch, Willow looked back and forth among her friends, waiting for someone to tell her what was going on. Xander wouldn't meet her eyes.

At length Giles sighed. "Willow, is there something you want to tell me, about Spike?" he asked gently.

Her eyes widened. "Spike? No, no, nothing, really, I...."

"I'm sorry, Will, I kinda forgot we weren't supposed to say anything about you and him being friends," Xander confessed.

"Oh."

The situation was getting uncomfortable, so Buffy decided to get out before they made things worse. "Come on, Xan. I think we've done enough," she whispered, grabbing his arm and dragging him out the door. Anya followed, leaving Willow and Giles alone.

She could feel his gaze on her, but couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. Finally the silence grew too much, and in a small voice she asked, "Are you mad at me?"

"What? No, of course not, Willow!"

"But you're disappointed."

"Why would you think that?" he asked, moving to sit by her.

"Because...well, because I'm friends with a vampire, and, and as Xander likes to point out all the time, Spike's tried to kill us several times, and...."

"Willow, it's perfectly true that I don't like Spike. But you're an adult now, and you've always been extremely intelligent. If you believe that he won't hurt you, I trust your judgement."

"Y-you do?" She looked up at him hopefully.

"Yes, I do. I confess, though, that I am a little hurt that you kept this from me, when everyone else seems to know already."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was too afraid," she whispered.

"Afraid? Whatever for?"

"That you would disapprove."

"Willow, my approval or lack thereof is irrelevant; you're old enough to make your own decisions. It doesn't matter what I think."

"Giles, of course what you think matters! I--you--" Willow searched for a way to explain. "When we were younger, Xander and I would make up parents for ourselves. We'd pretend we had ones that cared about us, and, and were supportive, and stuff, you know? Only...well, since Buffy came, we haven't needed to. Because these past few years, you've become the father we'd dreamed about. For Buffy, too. I know we don't show it, or...or even listen to you all the time, but your opinion really is important to us. We all need you, so much. Most people our age are growing away from their parents, but we're still just discovering ours. And, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you now." She was in tears by the time she finished, and instinctively reached for him, burying her face in his shoulder.

Giles was stunned. He tentatively held her as she cried, uncertain of just how to respond.

"Willow, I...I don't know what to say," he ventured at last. "I, I'm honoured, truly, that you feel that way. It will probably come as no surprise that I never wished for children of my own, but now.... When I look at you, and Buffy, and Xander, and see how you've grown up, and think of all the things you've faced from such a young age, and how well you've come through it, well, I couldn't be more proud. It's almost enough to give one hope that young people aren't as, as shallow and weak and uncaring as one might suspect," he added, attempting to lighten the mood. All this emotional honesty was highly uncomfortable for him. He did manage to get a slight chuckle out of her. "I do care about you, a great deal, and it will take more than your being friends with a vampire to change that. I have faith in you, and if you feel confident that Spike currently poses no threat to you, I have nothing to say on the matter. You know the risks, and I know you would have taken them into consideration before offering him your trust."

Willow sniffed and pulled back to look at him. "Then you're not mad?"

"Of course not. All I ask is that, if you ever suspect the implant is no longer functioning, you tell me; I would like to be prepared for the chance that he might come after one of us despite your current friendship."

"But you won't hurt him unless he does?"

"I promise. I just don't want to be caught completely by surprise, as we were when, when Angel...."

"I understand." Willow considered for a moment. "All right, Giles, I'll tell you if I think Spike is able to hurt people again."

That evening during the research session, Spike felt someone standing over him and looked up from his book to see Giles holding a mug of heated blood. A little surprised at the Watcher's gesture, Spike nevertheless reached out for the mug, only to have it pulled away slightly. He glanced up into the other man's face, and mentally sighed at the calm determination and thinly-veiled mistrust he saw there. Seemed he and the witch had been found out yet again. At least she was running out of friends who didn't know they'd grown close....

"I will only say this once," Giles told him quietly. "You know what will happen if you ever hurt her. And if you think I am not completely serious, well, you'll have time to regret underestimating me before I finally let Buffy stake you. Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

Giles held his gaze a few moments longer before giving a slight nod and handing him the blood.

"Then I trust we won't have to discuss this issue again," he stated before returning to the others.

Later that evening he caught Buffy apart from the others and, deciding that if Willow was going to be spending time with Spike it would be best if she did so openly, asked her, "Have you, er, done what you were talking about this afternoon?"

"Huh?"

Giles just sent a significant glance in the vampire's direction.

"Oh, that. No, uh, not yet."

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to ignore all his Watcher's training yet again and say, "Go ahead and do so whenever you like."

"Really? Thanks, Giles. This'll mean a lot to Willow."

"Yes, well, I just hope I won't regret it," he muttered to himself.

Part 6

A couple of weeks later Willow decided to drop by Spike's one day during a break between classes and the Scooby meeting. As she cut through the cemetary, she became aware of noise emanating from his crypt; it sounded like there was a fight going on inside. Concerned, she ran the rest of the way and threw open the door.

What she found was Spike, alone, throwing broken-off bits of the statues that had been decorating the crypt and tossing around his few pieces of furniture, all the while yelling a string of curses at himself, his chip, and some unnamed person who wasn't even there.

"Spike," Willow asked, stepping further into the crypt, "what's wrong?" He just ignored her, continuing his rant, until she went over and grabbed his arm; then he turned his rage on her.

"And you! You're as bad as he is! Wouldn't be here if it weren't for that bloody Initiative! But no, Spike's all harmless now, perfectly safe to go about interrupting him!"

"Wha-? Spike, I don't know what has you so angry, specifically I mean, 'cause I've figured out that it's got to do with the chip, but most of the time you deal with that pretty well, so there's got to be something else...but that's so not why I'm here. I trust you. I mean, okay, without the chip I'd have been dead for over a year now and we wouldn't have had a chance to become friends, but now that we are...well, I don't believe you'd hurt me anymore, even if there were no more chip. Maybe it's stupid of me, but I do trust you. And that has nothing to do with what the Initiative did to you."

She could see some of the anger and frustration in his eyes slowly turn questioning. "You trust me?" he repeated, his tone a little calmer now but heavily laced with suspicion.

"Yeah, I do. I mean, I know you haven't gone all good or anything, and that if you got rid of the chip I know I can't expect you to, oh, be nice to my friends, much less random people, but I do trust you not to intentionally hurt me. We're friends now, right?"

Willow watched as he visibly forced aside the violent feelings he'd been giving vent to when she arrived and got himself under control once more. "Friends. Yeah."

"So tell me, what happened?"

"Soldier boy," he fumed, pulling away from her to pace back and forth through the crypt. At least he'd stopped throwing things. "Came to threaten me if I didn't give him some information. Information which," he pointed out, "I don't even have in the first place."

"Riley? He threatened you?" Willow couldn't believe it. Could he really be that stupid?

"You heard me. It's become his favourite hobby, these past few months."

"What?! He's done this more than once? Oooh, he is so going to pay!" Willow stormed out, too furious to even pay attention to how much sunlight was coming in through the door.

Her anger just grew on the way to Giles'. She burst through the door, barely noticing the surprise on her friends' faces. "Where is he?" she demanded.

"Willow, what--" Buffy began, but she'd already spotted him.

Stalking over to Riley, she began poking him in the chest, following him as he backed away from her. "How dare you?!? What gives you the right to threaten one of my friends? You, you mean little weasel! No, you're not just a weasel, you're a cowardly weasel! You wouldn't have dared threaten him like that if he were whole! But now that your precious Initiative has, has crippled him, you can't resist going over and rubbing it in his face, just because you know he can't fight back! Well, that's enough! If I hear of you doing anything like that again, I'll...I'll find some spell to cast on you--and trust me, you don't want me doing magic when I'm this upset! So just stay away," she ordered him with one final poke, glaring up at him with what she hoped was a combination of her resolve face and an expression of righteous anger.

Everyone just stared at her in surprise, uncertain as to what might have caused her outburst. Finally Xander asked, "Okay, now what was that all about?"

Willow calmed down just enough to turn to the others and explain in a tight voice, "Soldier-boy here has been threatening Spike."

"He what?" Buffy looked at her boyfriend, who was still up against the wall, rubbing the bruise now forming on his chest. "Are you insane?"

"What's the big deal? He's the bad guy, remember? You threaten him all the time."

"Riley, you can be so clueless sometimes. If something goes wrong and that chip ever stops working, you've probably put yourself at the top of Spike's list of people to go after first! I may threaten him, but I did that pre-chip, too; I know I can handle myself against him. You can't. He's good, Riley. I've fought him I don't know how many times, and never managed to dust him. If he comes after you, you won't stand a chance. And besides," she pointed out, "I haven't really threatened him in weeks. Willow's right; we don't have to like all her other friends, but we shouldn't go around trying to kill them for no reason."

Riley looked around and saw that everyone seemed to feel the same way. "I don't believe you people! As Spike himself has been so fond of reminding us, he's evil. Am I really the only one who remembers he was helping Adam?"

"No, you're not, and frankly, I hate the guy only slightly less than Angel," Xander agreed. "But as far as we know, he hasn't tried anything against us since he and Willow became friends, and for her sake, we've all agreed to tolerate him until he does. And Buffy's right; if he ever finds a way to get rid of the chip, I so don't want to be the one he goes after for his first kill in years. Call me crazy, but I like my blood right where it is, thanks. Not to mention the rest of my body parts."

"Unless you know something we don't, and he actually has been plotting something behind our backs?" Buffy asked.

"Uh...well...not exactly."

"What do you mean, 'not exactly'? Not at all! You don't know of anything because there isn't anything to know!"

"Whoa, Willow, calm down. He's not going to do it again, are you, Riley?"

He exchanged a long look with his girlfriend, then glanced from her determined face to those of the rest of the Slayerettes, before sighing in resignation. "Fine. I won't go threaten Hostile 17 unless I have evidence he's up to his old tricks. Everybody happy?"

"I'm not sure I can trust you," Willow declared loftily.

"Will...."

"Oh, fine, Buffy. But I'm officially not pleased."

Luckily, it was easy to keep Riley and Spike apart for a while, but a few days later a meeting of the full extended Scooby Gang was called to research a particularly unpleasant Sorsa demon, and they had no choice. Willow was in the bathroom when Spike arrived, so she didn't see how Riley nervously put as much of the room as possible between himself and the vampire. Spike noticed, however, and asked about it before he could stop himself.

"He's just afraid."

A smirk crept onto his face as he took that in, and his bearing took on a predatory tone as he began to circle Riley, eyes never leaving him. "Is he now? Well, isn't this interesting...."

Since Spike couldn't hurt Riley, Giles decided not to interfere; the vampire's reaction to learning that Willow had been protecting him should be a good indication of how he actually felt about her. Somehow the thought of William the Bloody blithely accepting that he might need a human girl to defend him seemed...unlikely. Best to find out now, while he was still chipped.

"Oh, he's not afraid of you," Anya clarified matter-of-factly. "He's afraid of Willow."

This time Spike's gaze flew to her. "What? Of Willow?"

"Yep."

"Is that right?"

"Probably has something to do with the fact that the other day she stormed in here and yelled at him for being mean to you and threatened him with magic if he did it again."

"Oh, and we pointed out how very careless it was to risk having you come after him first if you're ever de-chipped," Xander added, hoping this small show of support might help move him a bit further down that list of potential victims. Spike's smirk grew into a surprised, yet delighted, smile.

"Well, well. I must say, this is a fascinating development. I like it. Just wish I'd been here to see that; big, strong Soldier-boy cowering from someone half his size. Musta been a beautiful sight."

"Just shut up," Riley snapped. He then noticed that Willow had rejoined them, and quickly mumbled an apology. Spike burst out laughing.

"So. Now that Red's shown everyone who's boss around here, what say we get started with the research so we can go out and kill this thing already?"

Part 7

As Willow's birthday grew closer, she became more and more excited. Normally she wasn't really into celebrating her birthday--she'd given up on the party idea when she turned ten and the only people to show up had been Xander and Jesse, even though more than twenty kids had been invited--but this year was different. She knew her friends had something planned for her, but not even Xander allowed the slightest bit of information to slip out, no matter how much she begged. The only clue she had was that Buffy'd hinted about making sure she had a really nice dress to wear. Willow was grateful for that much, at least, since it gave her a chance to go buy one. Pretty much the only dresses she had that could be considered "really nice" were the ones she'd worn to Homecoming and the prom her senior year of high school, and both of those had Associations she'd really rather not drag up again....

When the day arrived, all Buffy would tell her was that they were meeting everyone at Giles'. The whole way over there, Willow pestered her with questions and pleas for information, but for once the Slayer remained completely silent, just smiling in that "I know something you don't, and I'm not telling" way that was so annoying when it wasn't directed at someone else. When they arrived, the only person present was Giles himself, also dressed up. There was no sign of anything party-like, aside from a couple of wrapped gifts on the desk, to which Buffy added her own. They stood around chatting as they waited for the rest of the gang to arrive.

When Spike stepped into the room, Willow's breath caught. He was still dressed all in black, but he'd traded in the jeans for slacks and the faded T-shirt for silk. Somehow it made his skin look paler than usual and his eyes more piercing. The overall result was...striking.

"Wow," she heard Buffy murmur in her ear, "who would've thought Spike would clean up so well? Almost a shame he's such a jerk."

"Yeah," Willow breathed, unable to take her eyes off him.

Then his gaze met hers, and she couldn't help blushing--both for having been caught staring, and because, if the look in his eyes was any indication, he seemed to like the way she looked that night as well.

She barely noticed when Buffy left to say something to Xander, who'd just arrived, because Spike chose that moment to stroll over to her, deliberately, as if he knew the effect he was having on her.

"Happy birthday, pet," he said with a slight smirk.

"Thanks," she managed to reply. "Um, you look nice."

"Nice? That's all? I was trying for drop-dead gorgeous," he pouted, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"But you already are."

"Oh, you think I'm gorgeous?"

"That's not--I meant--oh, you know, the 'dead' part!" Willow spluttered, blush deepening.

Spike just laughed. "I know, love. And you're lovely tonight yourself."

"Thanks." She took a moment to bask in the compliment before going to greet Xander and Anya. She hadn't even realised the others would have included Spike, and now there he was, looking like that, saying she looked good. And it was Spike, so the chances he was just being polite were pretty darn slim. She couldn't stop grinning at the thought.

Once everyone had arrived, they all piled into Giles' and Riley's cars. Willow was delighted when they pulled into the parking lot of one of Sunnydale's few upscale restaurants; she'd always wanted to go there, but it had seemed too grown-up and sophisticated. It surprised her that this was where they were bringing her, though, since it was hardly the kind of place any of them would frequent. In fact, as she thought about it she realised that Cordelia was probably the only person she knew who'd eaten there at all.

They had a tense moment going in, since Spike flatly refused to wear a jacket or tie, but to everyone's relief he just brushed past the maitre d' to their table rather than starting a scene.

She wondered a bit at the way Buffy and Xander seemed determined to take the seats on either side of Spike, leaving her at the far end of the table even though she was the only one there who did more than just tolerate him, but she soon got too caught up in the novelty of the whole experience to care.

Willow enjoyed the meal tremendously; the food was good, but even better was just being with all her friends, enjoying an evening out with not even a mention of the Hellmouth. She had to bite her lip to keep from giggling at the sight of Xander trying to figure out which fork to use, and though everyone else was on their best behaviour, Spike amused himself by declining to order and then filching bits of each course off of Buffy's plate, just to be annoying. Her roommate was struggling to remain mature nonetheless, but in Willow's opinion, she should've known better than to tempt the vampire by sitting next to him. She did good, though, and managed not to do anything that might make Giles embarrassed to be seen with them all. All in all, Willow decided, she couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate her birthday--with her real family, rather than those people who were technically her parents.

As they finished their main courses, the couples got up to dance while waiting for the dessert to be served. Willow watched them wistfully for a while, then turned back to find Spike looking at her.

"Dance, pet?" he asked casually. She glanced at Giles to see if he would mind being left alone, but he just told her to go ahead if she wanted, so she accepted gladly. She was surprised at how right it felt, dancing in Spike's arms. Although he'd joined them at the Bronze several times, he had always been adamant about staying off the dance floor, so she'd never had a chance to dance with him before. He held her comfortably, and they immediately fell into step with one another. The song ended, but Spike made no move to return to the table, and she was quite content to remain dancing, even though their dessert had arrived and the others had abandoned the dance floor in favour of pastries. About halfway through a third song, she glanced up to find him looking at her with an intensity that made her feel all warm and fuzzy. He began to lean towards her, and she felt her heart speed up in anticipation of a kiss, only to have him let go of her entirely and step back. Willow looked at him, confused, but he just stood there with an unreadable expression and said shakily, "We need to stop now." Without waiting for a response, he turned and strode back to the table, leaving her standing there wondering what she'd done wrong.

Spike studiously avoided looking at Willow as she returned to the group. Even so, he kept seeing her face fall as he forced himself to release her. He struggled to maintain an impassive expression as the Slayer and her groupies prattled on over coffee, all the while berating himself for being such a fool. Finally he couldn't take it anymore; it was too hard to remember all the reasons he had to be careful about Willow when she was sitting right there at the same table with him.

"Going out for a smoke," he announced suddenly. Seeing Willow rise as if to follow him, he caught her eye and added firmly, "Alone." He told himself sternly that whether or not she looked hurt at his order to stay away from him temporarily didn't matter to him one bit.

Once safely out of the restaurant, he lit up and began to pace furiously. What had he been thinking, asking her to dance? Other than that it was supposed to be a special day for her, but all her little friends were paired off and she looked like she was feeling left out...but what did he care, if a human was sad on her bloody birthday? And had he really thought he could hold her in his arms, in what was basically a romantic setting, and not want more? It was madness. He'd decided long ago that it was best to just forget about her, but did he listen to himself? No! He went and became friends with her! But it had to stop there. She would grow old and die one day, and as long as he had the bloody chip there wasn't anything he could do about it. Also, she was the Slayer's friend, for god's sake! If he did manage to get rid of the chip, she would certainly ask him to continue getting his blood from bags, and there was no way he could do that. He could hardly stand it even now, when he had no choice in the matter.

Of course, that was assuming she would even want him to begin with. The only sign she'd ever given of any interest was that one vague statement back before he'd gone and encouraged her to get involved with someone else. At least, he thought, he had tried to give her up; was it his fault the thing with Tara didn't work out, which ended up drawing him and Willow closer rather than apart?

But he'd had to go and almost mess it up. Sure, she may have seemed disappointed at the time, but that was just the situation--birthday, all dressed up, fancy dinner, dancing...if he'd actually kissed her, she would've regretted it once the magic of the evening had worn off. And then where would he be? Probably without even her friendship. Besides, she'd been hurt too much already in her short life; of course she wouldn't want to start something knowing it was doomed from the beginning, no matter how much the other person--cared about her.

Spike remained outside until at length the others had paid the bill and were ready to return to the Watcher's. He noticed with some regret that while waiting for the valet to bring the cars around, Willow watched him sadly, but made no move to approach him. She even waited until he'd gotten into Giles' car, then headed straight for Riley's. Seemed she was giving him the space he needed to get himself back under control, which was what he wanted. Right?

Once back at Giles', Spike hung out on the stairs as everyone watched Willow open her small pile of presents. She seemed to like everything, but after thanking the others she cast a short, sad look to the now-empty spot where the unopened gifts had been, and gave a soft sigh. Trying to appear cheerful rather than disappointed, she said, "Thanks again, everyone, for dinner and the presents. This was a much better birthday than I would've had at home." She stood and began gathering her things, preparing to leave.

"Wait, Red," Spike called out. "You're forgetting one." Standing and approaching the group for the first time since dinner, he pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Willow. Glancing up at him in surprise, she reached out and took the small bundle.

Carefully peeling away the newspaper he'd wrapped it in, she gasped as she caught sight of the contents, her eyes flying back to his. "Spike, it's beautiful!" she exclaimed, holding up a silver necklace with an intricately-worked pendant for the others to see.

"Wow, Wills, it really is. Who knew Spike had such good taste?"

"Enough, Buffy. If that's what I think it is, beauty is the least of its value," Giles said, awed.

"Okay, G-man, so what do you think it is?"

"Well, it's hard to be certain, because there are, are no extant pictures, but if the descriptions I've read are accurate, then I, I strongly suspect that's--"

"The Kamarás Pendant," Spike confirmed.

"B-but it's been missing for centuries. How on earth did you find it?"

He shrugged. "Let's just say I know a guy who knows a guy who was able to get it from the master who's been guarding it all this time."

"Giles, what's so special about this cummer-thing, anyway?" Buffy interrupted.

"Well, I think Spike would be better able to answer that than I...."

"Oh, all right," he sighed. "In essence, the Kamarás Pendant...gives off this signal, warning vampires that the wearer is poisonous, I suppose."

"So they don't bite?" He nodded. "Ooh, neat. We gotta get me one of those, Giles!"

"Yeah, Buffy probably needs this more than I do...."

"Absolutely not. I did not call in all those favours to get this thing brought out of hiding just for it to end up with a bloody Slayer. If you don't want it, I'll send it back."

"Oh, it's not that I don't want it! I just...thought it might make more sense."

"It's okay, Will; I'll just stick with my stakes," Buffy reassured her.

"In any case, how exactly does it work? I understand there's a, a ritual involved...."

"Yeah. You perform the ritual, then as long as you're wearing the pendant, you'll be safe. Don't go thinking you'll just lend it to Buffy, either," he told Willow, "as the wearer has to have personally done the spell for it to work."

"One thing I've always wondered," Giles broke in, "is whether it actually causes a person's blood to be toxic to vampires, or is it just the possibility that's supposed to act as a deterrant?"

"Well, let me put it this way, mate. Vampires have legends about this pendant going back over two thousand years. Now, in all the stories about it, I've never once heard anyone claim to have survived drinking from a person wearing it at the time, unless the pendant hadn't been properly activated. Considering the status this thing has in the vampire world, I'd say it's highly unlikely that anyone who did defeat it would keep quiet about having done so, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, quite. Now, about that ritual...."

"Yeah, I've got the details on that, too." He paused, then decided he had to tell her. "There's just one more thing. There's not a bloody thing stopping any vampire who recognises the effect of the Kamarás Pendant for what it is from taking it off you and then draining you with no worries."

Willow just said, "So, don't let vampires get close enough to remove necklace. Got it." He could tell the Watcher'd understood his true warning, though, so if he ever got rid of the chip and did something...irreversible, at least they couldn't say he'd tricked them. Not that he cared what they thought.

Once again Willow went around thanking everybody, more sincerely this time, and hugging each in turn. He knew that just a couple of hours earlier, she would not have hesitated to give him a hug as well, but instead she merely stood there looking up at him and said softly, "Thank you, Spike, for coming--and for the pendant. It was very thoughtful of you, and I'll be sure not to take it off once I've done the ritual. I probably won't want to, anyway; it's lovely."

"I'm glad you like it," he told her quietly, watching as she turned and left, Slayer in tow.

Once the kids were all gone, he gave Giles all the information they'd need to activate the pendant. Somehow, staying away for a while seemed a good idea just then, and he wanted to make sure Willow would be protected first.

Part 8

Buffy was concerned. While Willow hadn't said anything to indicate she was unhappy, she didn't seem quite like herself. Hadn't, really, since her birthday, and Buffy was afraid she knew why. She wasn't acting like she had when Oz and Tara left, but she still seemed unusually down, and it was almost certainly that damn vampire's fault.

She didn't think Willow was in love with Spike, really, though they'd been spending an awful lot of time together, even more so since they'd stopped having to hide their friendship from everyone. So that wasn't the problem--or maybe it was, though in a different way....

Buffy wasn't blind; she'd seen the way Spike acted around her roommate once the need for secrecy was gone. He was always touching her; nothing inappropriate, really, but he always had a hand on her arm, an arm around her shoulders. He'd walk next to her and put his hand on the small of her back--a gesture Buffy would think adorably old-fashioned were it not coming from someone who'd lived through times when that was the norm, not to mention someone she didn't find remotely adorable. Occasionally he even played with Willow's hair. It was like he couldn't keep his hands off her--and she didn't even seem to notice, much less care.

And then there were the looks. He'd look over or down at her--only rarely across the room, since he was usually either next to Willow or standing behind wherever she was sitting--and his face would soften, his normally closed, disdainful expression instead conveying tolerance, amusement, or fondness; sometimes all three. It was hard to reconcile with the Spike she'd been fighting for over four years, and she could only come up with one explanation: Spike was falling for her friend.

At that birthday dinner, she'd done her best to keep them apart. She couldn't keep him from coming--Willow would've been hurt if she'd tried--but when she saw how he looked, and how he was looking at her, the danger seemed too great to just do nothing. So she had convinced Xander that they should sit next to him, and they did a pretty good job of keeping the two apart for much of the evening.

Then Riley asked her to dance, and she agreed, not thinking about the fact that Anya would insist on dancing as well, causing Xander to abandon his post. It wasn't too much longer before they were joined by the very couple she was trying to prevent. They didn't seem to be doing anything other than dancing as friends, though, so she returned her attention to Riley.

Later she did see what looked like an attempt on his part to finally make a move, however. Willow's back was to the table, so Buffy couldn't see her reaction, but it must not have been good, since before she could get up to go do anything about it, he'd let go of her friend and returned to the table of his own accord, clearly in a bad mood. It soon became obvious that something had upset Willow as well, and if he'd finally revealed that he wanted more from their relationship but she just wanted to stay friends...if he refused, said it was all or nothing, well, that would explain it.

They hardly saw him any more, aside from the more serious bouts of slayage, and from what she could tell, he had hardly said two words to Willow since explaining about her pendant. To someone who took her few friendships as seriously as she did, that was bound to cause the distress Buffy had been sensing. It was time she did something about that.

On a nice, sunny afternoon she burst into his crypt, intentionally leaving the door wide open so the sunlight pouring in could serve as a little reminder of just how easily she could kill him these days.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. "Don't you people ever knock?"

"Can it, Spike. I don't want to hear a word out of you that isn't part of an explanation of what the hell you think you're doing."

"Trying to sleep, last I checked," he shot back.

"Very funny. I don't know what your problem is lately, though I can guess, but this avoidance thing you've got going is really hurting Willow. God knows why, 'cause I sure don't, but she actually likes you, and this silent treatment isn't exactly something those of us with actual feelings do to friends. If you care about Willow at all, you'll stop letting her think she's done something to make you hate her."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he claimed unconvincingly. "I'm not avoiding anything. I'll have you know that on occasion I do have better things to do than hang around a bunch of children."

"Uh huh. And just what was it you and Willow fought about that night at dinner, anyway?"

Spike shrugged and averted his gaze. "No fight. I wanted to stop dancing, she didn't. End of story."

"Right. So you've been sulking for weeks over whether or not to keep dancing?"

"Hey! I do not sulk."

"Whatever. In any case, you can do it just as well around Willow. It's hardly as if we've never dealt with you in a bad mood before."

He let out a sharp bark of laughter. "You've never seen anything of the sort, sweetheart. And if I were you, I'd hope you never do. I'm not stupid, Slayer, but somehow people always underestimate me. I think it's the accent; or maybe the hair. Whatever the reason, none of you Slayerettes seem to have given any thought to how bloody stupid it was, taking me into your little Scooby Gang. Because I watch, I listen...I observe. And I learn. I now know more about each of you than you can possibly imagine, and someday I'm going to use that knowledge to destroy you all."

"Yeah, yeah, like sire like childe, I know all the threats, Spike. You don't scare me."

"Oh, Slayer, I am nothing like Angel," he corrected, his voice menacing. "All my sire would do is leave the broken bodies of your friends in your bed, driving you mad before he comes and kills you. I, on the other hand," he continued, stalking deliberately toward her and dropping his voice to a low tone that was somehow more threatening than all his yelling had ever been, "would never do anything so crude and...unpoetic. No, I wouldn't lay a hand on any of you until long after you'd begun begging for death. I would break you with words alone; I know just the things to say to cause each and every one of you more pain than you can imagine. And through it all, you will retain what sanity you have, because how else can you truly suffer? And the beauty of it is, the worst pain will come from knowing all the while, deep down, that every single word I say is nothing but the truth.

"But the best part?" he concluded, having backed Buffy across the crypt until her back was against the wall and Spike was standing closer than she ever would have allowed him if she weren't so caught in the scenario he was painting. "The very best part, my dear Slayer, is that since I won't even need to touch you to destroy you utterly, there's not a thing the sodding chip will do to stop me.

"So if I were you, I wouldn't be taking the idea of me in a bad mood so lightly. Consider this your one and only warning."

"If you can do all that without setting off the implant, why haven't you?" Buffy retorted, hoping she sounded far less frightened than she was feeling. She confessed to herself that she'd nearly forgotten what Spike could be like before he'd been rendered harmless--or so they'd thought--and she didn't think she'd ever seen quite this side of him before. Usually he'd just gone straight for the fighting, limiting his comments to taunts and insults. She found herself wishing for that Spike back; at least she knew how to deal with him.

"Now, now, what fun would it be if I just took you apart first chance I got? At first I didn't know any of you well enough, now I'm waiting for a day when I really need to cheer myself up; can only destroy you once, after all, so I'd like to get as much satisfaction out of it as I can. Of course," he shrugged, "if you keep pushing me, that day just might come sooner than you think."

Carefully extracting herself from her position between Spike and the crypt wall, Buffy put some distance between them. "You wouldn't do it, not anymore; it would hurt Willow too much, and you do care about her now."

His jaw clenched briefly, but his voice remained calm as he replied, "Maybe. Then again, maybe not. Do you really want to risk so much on your own pathetic understanding of what I might or might not feel?"

"That does it. I've tried to be accepting about all this and make up for being such a bad friend for much of last year, but if I ever find out you've just been toying with Willow, pretending to be her friend only so you could hurt her later, I'll kill you so fast you won't even know I'm there till it's too late, no matter what she wants," Buffy warned him, her voice still shaking slightly from his own threats.

"Yeah. You do that. In the meantime, I'll be back when and if I want to be, so there's no need for you to go wasting my time like this again," he answered coldly. Unable to think of a good reply, she left, determined to keep a closer eye on him if he did rejoin the group. If it seemed she'd been wrong, and rather than being in love with Willow he didn't even care about her at all, Buffy would have to find a way to keep him from hurting her any more than he had already.

Part 9

Willow had finally caved in and let her friends drag her to the Bronze, even though it was the last place she felt like being. They were only trying to cheer her up, she knew, but she couldn't even pretend it was working. She'd taken one look at all the people dancing and remembered that night--and that meant remembering Spike, and before anyone knew it she was in tears once again.

As soon as the others noticed, they'd returned to the table and tried to comfort her. She couldn't do much more than sit there, the necklace he'd given her in her hands, sobbing. It was the last thing he'd ever give her, and though she knew it couldn't do its job if she kept taking it off, she couldn't stop looking at it.

"Look, Will, we don't know for sure that he's dead," Buffy was saying for the hundredth time. "Maybe...maybe he'd found somewhere else to spend the day."

"B-but every day? No one's seen him in over a week! I...I've gone by the, the crypt each day since you said he was missing, a-and..." Willow was unable to make herself finish the sentence.

"Hey, Wills, look on the bright side," Xander offered, attempting to lighten the mood, "at least you don't have to worry about--" He cut himself off when Willow, clearly not listening, suddenly looked up and gasped. Before anyone had time to ask why, she flew off her stool and flung herself at someone who'd come up behind them. Turning, they saw her clinging to Spike, face buried in his chest.

"You're alive!" she exclaimed, tears now turning to those of relief.

"Uh...yeah, pet," she heard him say, as his arms tentatively closed around her. "What'd I miss?"

"Oh, they all thought you were dust," Anya explained, bored with the whole thing.

"Any particular reason, or just wishful thinking on the Slayer's part?"

Buffy sighed, exasperated with him already. "Look, about a week ago I went by to tell you to get to Giles' as soon as the sun went down, and your crypt was empty. Obviously you hadn't made it back by sunrise, and since you never did turn up anywhere, it seemed likely you'd been killed. I mean, it's not like you ever bothered to let anyone know you were still around, or check in to see if your help was needed, or anything," she added pointedly.

"Yeah, well, like I told you before, had things to do. And I wasn't at the crypt because I don't live there anymore."

Willow pulled back far enough to look up at him in confusion. "What do you mean, you don't live there?"

He glanced down at her briefly before returning his gaze to the others. "Got sick of not having electricity at the crypt. Decided if I was stuck in Sunnyhell, might as well be comfortable. Found myself a flat, spent the past several days moving in and getting settled and what all," he said with a shrug.

"But...your stuff was there. I saw it."

"Thought I'd start over, love, new furniture and all. Not like I didn't need to buy a lot of it anyway. Also, the things I'd had in the crypt all smelled, well, like they'd spent the last couple years in somebody's grave."

"Oh." Now that they'd established that Spike was not dust after all, Willow let go of him, stepping back to put some space between them. Her uncertainty about the meaning of his behaviour since the night of her birthday returned in full force, augmented by the fact that he'd gone so long without contacting her, not even letting anyone know that he'd decided to move. He'd hardly even looked at her as he offered his explanation. Suddenly embarrassed at having let him see how much she'd missed and worried about him, she returned to her seat, fiddling nervously with the necklace that was still clutched in one hand.

She remained quiet as the others traded jabs with Spike, attention only partly on them until she was pulled out of her thoughts by his voice calling her name. She looked up, having lost track of what was being discussed.

"I said, I didn't give you that bloody thing just so you could carry it around and look at it, you know," he repeated.

"Oh," she said sheepishly, fastening it back around her neck. She'd barely finished when they all were surpised by a sudden intake of breath by the one of them least in need of it. Willow's eyes flew to Spike, growing concerned at the look on his face. "Spike, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing, I just...hadn't realised it would be that...strong," he answered, a bit shakily.

"Hadn't realised what would be strong?" Xander asked, curious about what could cause a reaction like that, and wondering if it was something he could take advantage of in the future.

"Well, I'm not even thinking about biting Willow right now--which I can prove, since the chip's not going off," he added in response to Buffy's disbelieving look, "and I know it's just the pendant causing it, but...the instant she put it on, I suddenly felt...ill." Spike himself seemed confused, and despite her current resentment, even Buffy had to admit that his reaction seemed genuine.

"Well, at least we know the ritual worked."

Willow couldn't just shrug and accept it the way her friends were doing. Wordlessly she removed the necklace, her resolve face defying anyone to comment.

Unfortunately, it seemed Anya was immune. "What are you doing? You know it doesn't work if you do that, right?"

"I don't think any vampires are going to attack me in the middle of the Bronze, with the Slayer and Spike right here. And if they do, I can put it back on; but I don't want Spike to be uncomfortable, so I don't intend to wear it when he's around unless we expect there to be a need, or I'm helping patrol, or something. And actually, if it only works on vampires, I don't need to wear it during the day or when I'm at anyone's home, either, because of the invitation thing. So I'll only wear it when I'm alone outside at night, or Spike's not around, or something."

"I told you, pet, I'm fine, and you really should wear it anyway, rather than risk not having it when it's needed."

"No. I've made my decision, and there's nothing you can do to change my mind."

"She's not kidding about that," Xander confirmed. "Believe me, I've tried before."

Buffy looked like she was going to protest, too, but Willow showed her the resolve face again and she bit back whatever she'd wanted to say.

The remainder of the evening was a tad uncomfortable, between Willow's act of protest and the uncertainty surrounding Spike's return, so they decided rather earlier than usual to leave. Splitting up outside the Bronze, they returned to their various homes; the instant Spike was out of sight, Buffy insisted that Willow put the pendant back on. Willow got the feeling there was something more she wanted to say, but whatever it was, she must have decided it wasn't important, since they returned to their dorm in silence.

As they were getting ready for bed, Willow finally identified what had been bothering her about Spike's return. "Buffy, when was the last time you saw Spike? Before tonight, I mean."

"I dunno, couple weeks," she shrugged. "Why?"

"Well, he said he'd already told you he had other stuff he had to do, but I don't remember him saying anything like that the last few times he helped us. And I--I was just wondering when I missed that."

"Oh. Um...well, a few days before Spike disappeared, I kinda went over to his crypt to, uh, see why we hadn't been seeing him as much, and the only reason he gave was that he 'had better things to do' than hang out with us."

"Oh." Willow was thoughtful for a moment. "Did he, um, say anything else?"

"Er...not really. Just, y'know, typical Spike stuff." Buffy was about to turn off the light when she decided to add something. "Will...you know I don't want to interfere with your friendship with Spike, right? I mean, I've done my best to accept having him around more often, and--and not stake him, and all. But I've never been comfortable with it. And...well, I don't want you to forget that there are more ways he could hurt you than just physically. These past few weeks are proof of that. Don't worry, after this I'm back to being Supporto Gal, but I really want you to think about what I said, okay?"

Willow, already subdued from the evening's events, just nodded and settled into bed, knowing it would be a while before she'd be able to fall asleep. There was too much she needed to think about.

Part 10

They saw him at the Bronze again a few nights later, and once more the following week. A couple of weeks after that, he turned up unexpectedly for a research session. Slowly, Spike resumed his former place in the group, though some distance remained. The lack of trust between him and the Scoobies was a bit more pronounced than it had been before Willow's birthday and his "death". It took a while, but eventually they all began relaxing around each other again, though it wasn't for several weeks that he began to repair his friendship with Willow.

The few times she found herself alone with him to any degree, Willow couldn't help feeling unusually self-conscious. Between his behaviour the night of her birthday, subsequent withdrawal, and sudden disappearance, she didn't know how to behave around him anymore. Were they still friends? She'd like to think so, but the way he'd been acting didn't seem too promising...on the other hand, he had come back, and surely they couldn't expect a vampire like Spike to just effortlessly fit in to a group of demon-fighting humans without the occasional bout of selfishness, right? They'd almost let themselves forget he was still a demon, and it was unfair to expect him to constantly act as if he weren't. The least they could do was let him have some alone time periodically; it had nothing to do with them, she kept telling herself.

Sometimes that even helped.

Gradually, though, Willow found her uncertainty fading. As Spike continued to spend time around the group, she discovered that the two of them naturally began to fall into their old patterns; at first only when the whole gang was together, but without even noticing it happening she began doing things just with him, as well. By the time she realised that they had rebuilt their former closeness, she was already spending nearly half of her free time in his new apartment.

She was in fact just about to call over there one night to let him know that she wouldn't be dropping by because something apocalypsy had come up and she was needed for research when the door of Giles' apartment flew open and Spike ran in, clearly agitated. He relaxed only slightly when he caught sight of Willow. "Oh, thank god you're still here!" he proclaimed, ignoring the surprised looks he was receiving as he swiftly crossed the room to crouch before her. She exchanged a confused look with Buffy, only to have her attention brought back to the vampire in front of her when he grabbed her hands.

"Willow, I want you to promise me you will never, and I mean never, set foot outside this flat, or, or Xander's, or your parents' house without wearing the Kamarás Pendant. I don't care how public a place is, or who's with you; you wear it anyway. Even in the dorm; they're public places, you're not safe there either."

"Um...why?"

"Promise!" His grip on her hands tightened reflexively.

"Okay, okay, I promise." She didn't really like being told what to do, but he seemed genuinely worried about her, and she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, and she was kind of hoping if he got what he wanted he wouldn't break her fingers by accident or anything.

"Thank you," he whispered feelingly.

"Um, anyone wanna tell me what's going on?" Buffy asked.

Releasing Willow, Spike ran one of his hands through his hair and turned slightly so he could talk to them all at once. "Well, pet, it seems the one vampire you lot ought to fear most has come back...."

"Angel's gone evil again?!?" Xander exclaimed.

"No, you fool. My sire may be a right sadistic bastard, but at least he's more or less sane. If you know him well enough, you can have a go at predicting what he'll do next, and his motivations usually make sense. It's not him, it's--"

"Oh, dear lord," Giles broke in, realising what he was about to say. "Drusilla."

"Yeah. She's back in Sunnyhell. Saw her myself not ten minutes ago."

"Great. Just when I think I've got things under control around here and can maybe relax a bit on patrol, the Hellmouth throws this at me. First yet another psycho intent on ending the world, and now Drusilla. Because god knows, Buffy's not allowed to have even a moment of peace...."

"Okay, I'm clearly missing something. I've heard some of why you'd be afraid of Angel, but what's so bad about this Drusilla?" Riley wondered.

Spike stood and began pacing. "Well, for starters, she's off her head. I lived with her for more than a century, and I still couldn't tell you how her mind works. She does things based on what the stars and this old doll tell her, and on her psychic visions. Which, you know, makes it just a little tricky to figure out what she'll do next, not to mention what she's after. Also, she was trained by Angelus at his worst, so she's pretty devious and cruel even without the insanity."

"And you think she's here for Willow?"

"No, you ponce, not specifically. Probably after the Slayer or something, assuming she even came here for a reason at all. But I'm not taking any chances; if she sees Red, Dru's bound to remember that she's the one who took her precious Daddy away from her the last time, and there's no telling what she'll do then. So you're wearing that pendant," he repeated, giving Willow a look that bore a startling resemblance to her own Resolve Face.

"But Buffy's the one who sent Angel to Hell."

"No, Xander, he means the spell," Willow realised, stunned. "I'm the one who gave Angel his soul back. That's what she would be mad about."

"Exactly. So you see why you can't take any chances. Hell, I probably know her better than anyone, and I never could predict what she'd do. Was one of the things I loved about her. But now, it just makes her even more dangerous."

"Do you have any idea why she might be here, Spike?"

He turned to the Watcher and shook his head. "You know as much as I about why she's back. I didn't speak to her; just heard her voice, got close enough to verify it really was Dru, and came straight here. Haven't heard from her in, what, two and a half years or thereabouts. No telling what she's up to these days."

"All right then. Here's what we'll do. We can't have her wandering around Sunnydale, causing who knows what trouble. Even without you or Angel helping her, that's something I don't believe any of us want to face again. And yet, we have more immediate issues to deal with just now; keeping the world from ending has to take precedence over a single vampire, however dangerous.

"But to be safe we ought to have regular information on her activities, so we can take action if and when she does start planning something that must also be stopped. And the only way I can see to guarantee that is if she is staying with you, Spike. You can keep an eye on her, try to talk her out of any such ideas she may have."

"Wait, now, hold on a minute! First of all, maybe I don't want her staying with me. And second, she's not going to want to have anything to do with me, not after I've been helping you lot. That's why she left me before, remember? Only now, I can't even bring her any presents to try and win her over, thanks to the chip."

"Okay, I'm lost again," Riley admitted. "What does the chip have to do with bringing a girl presents?"

"You probably don't want to know, but it seems that vampires' ideas of romantic gifts tend to be more of the recently-living variety than ours. What was it? 'Beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them'?" Willow asked with a teasing grin, turning to Spike.

"Very funny, pet. But yeah. If I were trying to get her back, which is the only reason I can think of that she'd believe me asking her to stay with me, she'd expect me to kill for her. Not that it matters, since by now she's probably already heard that I've been working with the Slayer--again--so chances are she'll just tell me to sod off. Only she won't be quite so nice about it."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid you'll just have to find a way to convince her, as we have no other choice for the time being. We can decide what to do about her if necessary after we've managed to get this other situation under control. In the meantime, I agree that everyone should take extra precautions when going out after sundown. That includes you, Buffy," Giles added pointedly.

"But, Giles--"

"I mean it, Buffy. Spike's right, Drusilla is more of a threat than the average vampire, and I don't want you getting careless. You're all too apt to take chances you shouldn't, and we need to focus on the impending apocalypse first."

"I'd think you'd want to get rid of her at least as much as I do," the Slayer muttered, sulking.

A pained expression appeared briefly on Giles' face before being replaced by one of determination. "I would rather not have to worry about what she'd do to you, actually. We mustn't let desire for revenge cause us to start acting irrationally."

"Oh, all right," she sighed. "But I'm not happy about it. And," she added, turning to Spike, "if I happen to run across her hunting while I'm on patrol, I'm not promising I won't do my job and slay her anyway."

"Fine by me," he shrugged.

The issue having been settled, temporarily at least, Giles shifted into Watcher mode. "Now, Spike, since you're here you should grab a book and start researching. Willow will fill you in on the details...."

Part 11

In the end, Drusilla did move into Spike's apartment after all, though he repeatedly refused to tell anyone just how he managed to convince her. In fact, any time her name came up, he changed the subject as quickly as possible; he wouldn't even talk about it to Willow, but with so much of everyone's time and attention spent on the once again impending apocalypse, she decided not to push him. She was a little hurt that he didn't feel he could discuss Dru's return with her, since she'd confided in him back when Oz had returned and they hadn't been nearly as close at that time, but there were more important things to worry about.

And it wasn't as if Spike were spending much time with them, anyway; they had relatively few chances to talk at all. Eventually he'd managed to learn that Dru had returned to Sunnydale hoping for a party when the world ended, at which point Giles insisted he keep a close eye on her, to make sure she didn't have a chance to help bring that about. He hadn't relaxed his insistence that she wear the pendant at all times, either, so even when they were together the effects it had on him made things a little awkward. All in all, she was almost glad so much of her time was spent researching, since she suspected she'd be missing him quite a bit if she had the opportunity.

When they finally defeated the group that had been trying to open the Hellmouth, she found that assumption was correct. Giles had relaxed the vigilance with which he'd been making Spike watch Dru, but they still had to keep track of what she was doing, in case she came up with a plan of her own. At first they avoided going over to Spike's apartment, not wanting to run into her, but as the weeks passed and she did nothing more dangerous than normal hunting, everyone began to let down their guard a little. They all, it seemed, agreed that Drusilla was fair game if Buffy discovered her hurting anyone first-hand, but after the past couple of years with Spike around, the Scooby Gang found it easy to accept another vampire as "mostly harmless, for now".

Willow was relieved to note that Dru's return and their consequent forced separation didn't seem to have had any lasting negative effects on the friendship she and Spike were rebuilding. It felt like recent weeks had contained a lot of Spike-missage, and Willow hoped that soon things would finally be back to normal.

And that day did seem to be coming sooner than anyone had expected. The first time Willow came face-to-face with Drusilla, everyone around them was preparing for the worst, some of Spike's paranoia having rubbed off on her other friends. But to everyone's surprise, Dru didn't pay any more attention to her than she had to Xander or Riley, aside from a hiss and complaint that Willow "smelled bad", presumably due to the pendant. After a few more carefully-watched encounters, even Giles decided that Spike's worries were unfounded; if Dru knew Willow had done the soul restoration, she didn't seem to care anymore.

Which, frankly, was just fine with Willow. Anything that allowed her to spend more time with Spike again--and kept her out of immediate danger--was something to be thankful for. This was definitely one instance in which she much preferred having her witchcraft skills go unacknowledged.

Of course, soon school interfered and left her with little energy to spare for worrying about Dru at all; in fact, one night she was at Giles' studying and had tuned everyone else out to the extent that she didn't even notice that Spike had dropped by until he said something to her.

"What?" she asked, turning from her spot lying on the couch to look up at him.

"I said, what's the matter, pet? You've been shifting about so much you look like you're about to fall off the sofa."

"Oh, that. I just can't get comfortable. I'll be fine if I can just get through the next couple of weeks."

"Anything I can help with?"

"'Fraid not. It's just...no matter how many times we've faced the end of the world, it always takes me several weeks afterward to fully de-stress. And now I've got finals coming up, and since I was too busy preventing the apocalypse to fully pay attention to my classes recently, I've got to catch up on everything in just a few days, and I guess I'm a little tense," she shrugged.

"Don't worry, love, I'm sure you'll do fine. You always do, right?"

"But 'fine' isn't good enough! I-if I don't get As, I might as well have failed! I know you won't understand, because no one does, but I can't do just 'fine', I've never been 'fine' in my life, not at academics, and--"

"Slow down there!" he interrupted. "Don't forget, you still have to breathe. Now, shove over."

"Why?" she asked, even as she was scooching over until her side was pressed up against the back of the couch. Spike perched on the space that had opened up on the other side of her, and reached over to begin massaging her shoulders.

"Just hush, Willow. Forget about the world ending, and your bloody exams, and everything for a few minutes. You weren't kidding when you said you were tense! Try to relax, pet. Deep breaths. There you go...." His calm, soothing voice continued to lull her into a state of near-sleep, as his hands worked their way from her neck and shoulders down to her lower back. Unlike the various times the Scoobies had given each other backrubs, she could barely feel his hands; surprisingly, instead of using brute force to get her muscles to loosen, the vampire was gentle, somehow getting each knot to open up with barely any pressure. Willow lost herself in the sensation, amazed at how much better she felt now that the slight pain in her back that had been plaguing her for weeks was easing. By the time he was done, she felt drowsy, her body heavy and relaxed, wanting nothing more than to just stay as she was for a few days.

"Better, love?"

"Mmmm."

He chuckled. "Good. Turn over."

"No, no moving."

"Okay, if you don't want me to do your face and hands...."

"Turning now!" she declared, finding Spike smirking down at her when she did so.

Once more he started at her shoulder, working his way down one arm until he got to her hand, paying attention to each muscle in her hand and fingers before starting again with the other arm. At last he shifted to the end of the couch, behind her head. Instructing her to close her eyes, he began massaging her tight jaw, until finally it, too, unclenched. Willow sighed in relief.

"How come you can do that so well?"

"Decades of practice. Now. I don't suppose you'd be willing to do a little something for me?"

"Like what?" she asked, sitting up to stare up at him suspiciously.

"Nothing...evil, pet. I've just been getting bored during the day a lot lately, and since so few of the stores in this bloody little town are open much after dark, I was hoping you could pick up a few things to help give me something to do."

"Oh, I can probably do that, sure. What kinds of things?"

He gave her one of his patented smirks. "Books, mostly."

Willow couldn't resist grinning at the thought, and began shooting questions too fast for him to answer. "You want me to go book shopping? Cool! What kind of books do you want? How many? Do you prefer hardcover or paperback? Do you have a list?" she concluded with a little bounce.

Spike was laughing at her, but she didn't care. She knew he was probably trying to get such a reaction out of her, so she exaggerated it. A little.

"Whatever you want, ducks. Get a variety of things; never can tell what I'll be in the mood for. Here," he added, pulling out a wad of bills and giving them to her, "and feel free to pick up a thing or two for yourself, while you're at it."

He'd just handed her several hundred dollars without batting an eye; she counted. "Um...I don't want to ask where you got all this, do I?"

The slow grin he gave her was so...Spike...that she couldn't help shivering slightly. "Nope."

"Okay, then. Um. Well, then, I won't. So...I should be able to get this done by the beginning of next week; is that all right?"

"Sure, love. That is, if you're not too worried it will cause you to do just 'fine' on your exams," he added, voice laced with mock concern. Willow ostentatiously declined to rise to the bait. Well, aside from making a quick face at him to make sure he knew she'd realised what he was doing.

"Hey, if you two are finished with the touching, there's a Slayer over here who needs her roomie's help if she's going to pass history," a voice called from across the room.

Willow blushed, and hurried over to where Buffy had her notes spread out, fighting the urge to sneak one last glance at Spike.

She had some trouble focusing on Buffy's notes, however fascinating the events leading up to World War I might otherwise be; it was only after she noticed Spike was leaving that Willow was able to concentrate on the tutoring she was supposed to be doing. Naturally, that was when Buffy decided to lower her voice for a gossip session.

"So, what's with you and Spike being all touchy-feely over there?"

Willow jumped. "Uh, what do you mean? He was just giving me a, a backrub, is all. I was tense!"

"Uh huh. So then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not!"

"Whatever." Buffy paused, and when she spoke again, the teasing tone had gone out of her voice. "So...Drusilla's back to stay?"

"Seems that way," she shrugged.

"Figures. How's that working out, anyway? Spike must be thrilled...."

"I...I don't know, really. He doesn't talk about it. A couple of times I've tried to ask him, but as soon as I mention her name he changes the subject. Simply refuses to talk about her."

"Well, maybe he's afraid we'll try and stake her or something. God knows we'd have reason to. I take it they're back together?"

Willow hesitated; she felt a little disloyal talking about her friend's love life with someone he didn't even like, but she thought she'd feel better having discussed this with Buffy. She decided that since she didn't really know anything--and certainly nothing he'd told her, in confidence or otherwise--it couldn't hurt. "I don't know. I mean, he really doesn't talk about her, at all. I guess they might be--there must be some reason she's agreed to stay with him, right?--but I really hope not. He's my friend, and I want him to be happy, just...well, Dru's not--"

"Not the person you want him to be happy with?" Buffy grinned.

"Yeah. No! I meant, well, I don't think she'd make him happy at all. For a while, maybe, but she does have a habit of leaving him, and having seen what that does to Spike a couple of times now, I gotta say, I'm not looking forward to it happening again. I don't think she's good for him. Think about it, Buffy--here's this guy who's not supposed to be able to love, but does anyway, so completely that he's just devastated when she leaves him, completely falls apart, even though he knows she's cheated on him--right in front of him, sometimes!--and is pretty much completely insane, but he loves her anyway. And she's just going to do it again, and as his friend I have to support his decision, but I don't want to, since I want him to be happy and she just makes him miserable.... And I don't know what to do, Buffy."

"Wow, Will. I can see you haven't given this any thought at all."

"Oh, sure, get out the sarcasm instead of being helpful."

"Look, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not at all surprised that you don't want him to go back to Dru, whatever your reasons. But if you're asking how to do the good friend thing if he asks your opinion...well, I think you've got to decide whether you feel this is a time it would be better to be Supporto Gal, or tell him the truth. I can't really help you there."

Willow sighed. "Yeah, I know. I just...we were just starting to work through that whole leaving-me-to-think-he-was-dead thing, and I don't want to make the wrong choice and end up ruining our friendship again."

"Look at it this way: maybe you'll get lucky, and he won't ask what you think about it at all."

"I hope you're right."

But with her luck, Willow doubted she would be.

Part 12

True to her word, by late Saturday afternoon Willow'd had several boxes of books delivered to Spike's apartment. Thankful that Drusilla seemed to still be in her room asleep, he got dressed and went to unpack his new treasures in peace. He was rarely willing to admit it in front of anyone, but one thing Spike missed from his human days was reading. For the first few decades after he was turned, he was too busy discovering the joys of being a vampire, and by the time he'd settled down a bit, the image he'd created for himself left little room for such things. Now, however...his image was pretty much shot anyway, since he couldn't bite, and he trusted Willow. Maybe at last he could rid himself of the interminable boredom that his days had become.

Grabbing the box nearest him, he began examining the contents, arranging the books into several piles based on subject matter. She had done a remarkable job of selecting a wide range of both fiction and non-fiction--and not just the predictable stuff, either. The typical classics were represented, true, but Willow had apparently gone to some trouble to seek out works he might not have read before.

His brow rose in surprise as he pulled out a stack of cheap-looking paperbacks that had been rubber-banded together, and caught the words "vampire slayer" on the cover of the top one; then he saw one of those annoying yellow notes stuck to it, saying Willow had thought he might get a good laugh out of everything the author had gotten wrong about vampires, slayers, and so on. Grinning, he set those aside, thinking there might be something in there he could have fun taunting the real Slayer with.

He was only halfway through the second box when he heard Dru moving about. She complained about not being able to go out and get someone to eat, since the sun was still up, and he suggested she grab one of the blood bags from the fridge, too distracted by the books in front of him to think about the fact that she would be upset, to say the least, at the mere thought of drinking old blood. Oddly, though, she merely sulked, and wandered through the rooms of the apartment as he continued sorting through the boxes.

He couldn't help laughing as he opened a box to find a book of poetry by Blok--glancing at the table of contents, he saw it did indeed include the Dances of Death, appropriately enough--and Hegel's Science of Logic, both in the original languages. Underneath them were nestled Russian- and German-English dictionaries, with another note from Willow claiming that no matter what he said, she knew he would need them. She'd even drawn a smiley face. Spike shook his head in amusement; she always did pretend not to believe he could speak anything other than English. He wondered where she found foreign-language books in a town like Sunnydale, though; non-occult ones, rather.

Dimly he became aware of Dru returning to the living room, hovering near the edge of his peripheral vision. He ignored her as long as she was just standing there, but as usual she wouldn't put up with that for long, and soon broke into his concentration with a request for him to order a delivery person.

"Not a good idea. You start killing the delivery boys, the Slayer'll be over to stake you for sure. On second thought, yeah, order yourself a pizza boy. Phone's over there."

She pouted at that, knowing him well enough to catch his meaning--which put her a step ahead of Harmony in the brains department, he mused. Unfortunately, it also meant she wasn't going to call for delivery and give the Slayer an excuse to get her out of his hair.

"If I'm a good girl, and wait until dark to eat, can I have a treat?" she asked plaintively.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I'll get all dressed up, and after dinner we'll share a nice dessert. Maybe a friend of the nasty Slayer, wouldn't that be lovely, Spike? Make 'er hurt...."

"Not a good idea, Dru," he warned her. He may not be fond of the Slayerettes, but he knew that if Dru harmed one of them, no truce in the world would keep Buffy from staking him as well.

As usual, she didn't pay any attention to him. "Ooh, yes, we could teach that smelly girl that a pretty bauble can't protect her...."

He turned to her, yellow eyes flashing. "I said no, you stupid bint!" he snapped, focusing again on the books in front of him as he got his annoyance and frustration under control.

She whimpered, and when he turned to see what was wrong, she had put on her "poor injured Princess" expression. Spike dismissed it with a glance and returned his attention to the task at hand. Dru whimpered again, louder this time, as if he just hadn't heard her. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer.

"It won't work, Dru. You're just wasting your time."

"Spike?"

"I'm not apologising. I'm not sorry, and I'm bloody well through with pretending I am," he told her firmly. She gave him that wide-eyed, deceptively innocent look and slunk over to him, raising a hand to trail down his chest. He pulled away, angry that she thought she could still manipulate him so easily. "I said no, Dru! I'm not sorry if I hurt your bloody feelings, and I'll be damned if I'm going to coddle you as if I were."

"But, Spike," Dru whined, "I'm your Princess."

"Not anymore, you're not. You haven't been for a long time now. Damn it, Dru! I spent over a bloody century taking care of you, worshipping you, giving you everything you could possibly want! Then the instant Daddy lost the soul, you went running off to him. Not to mention every demon you could find, the more disgusting the better. And dumb old Spike took you back, time and again. Well, not anymore. I've had it with you, Dru; I was finally starting to be happy with my life, aside from the bloody chip, and now you come and expect me to drop everything and come crawling back to you? Not bloody likely! I'm through being your lapdog. If you want someone to pamper you and fawn over you and grovel at your feet, you're going to have to look elsewhere, because it's bloody well not going to be me!" he finished, not even aware that by the end of his tirade he'd been shouting.

He would have laughed at the look of outraged shock on Drusilla's face had he not been so angry at her for even thinking he'd come running the instant she called. Instead, he stormed out of the room, knowing that if he stayed he'd soon find himself looking for the nearest stake.

In the hall he nearly ran into Willow, who, judging by the shock in her eyes and the happy grin on her face, had clearly heard what he'd said. Looking at her, the force of his anger subsided somewhat, and he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms. She returned the hug with equal intensity.

He pulled back, looking down at her. "What do you say we go take a walk, love?"

"Sounds good," Willow agreed. The sounds of one of Dru's fits followed them out the door.

They wandered through Sunnydale for a while, just enjoying each other's company, before he led them to a park bench.

"So, ducks, I take it you heard?"

"You yelling at Dru, you mean? Yeah, some of it anyway. I want you to know how proud I am. Um, are you okay?"

"Okay? Willow, I feel great! I've wanted to tell her off for so long, just never thought I'd get the chance."

"Oh, I'm so glad! I know how much she meant to you--some of us were sober when you were going on about how she'd left you for that chaos demon," she reminded him with a grin, "I just wasn't sure how you feel now. I didn't want to say anything before, but I was worried you might take her back, and that would so not be good for you. I mean, I don't know what your relationship used to be like, but since I've known you, it seems like she's always been hurting you...and I didn't want to see you like that again," she admitted.

Spike couldn't help laughing at her rambling. "Well, love, you needn't have worried. I realised it was over between me and Dru a long time ago, and I haven't loved her in almost as long. Also, you know, she's plain batty; I've got kind of used to being around people that still have all their marbles."

"I can see where that would get annoying after a while, yeah. Actually," she confessed, "I've never really understood what you saw in her. May have something to do with the fact that every time I see her, she's trying to kill us."

"Sometimes I'm not sure, myself. Whatever it was, it's gone now, I do know that."

"So, uh...it doesn't bother you anymore, talking about her?" she asked tentatively.

"Not a bit. Feels rather good, that. She was the center of my world for so long, well, you saw how I fell apart when she left. But now...she's my past, and I'm perfectly content for her to stay that way."

"Good," Willow replied with some satisfaction. "I know what it's like to have someone you love just walk away, and we don't want you tempted to start doing magic or something!"

"Yeah. Of course, unlike some people I know, I don't go around casting spells when I'm under emotional strain."

"Yeah, you just kidnap beginning witches who barely know what they're doing to cast them for you, and threaten them with death if they mess up."

"A far superior plan, if I do say so myself."

Willow snorted. "Yeah. Whatever, Spike."

Their familiar banter continued as they simply enjoyed each other's company, Drusilla forgotten.

By the time Spike returned home, his anger at Dru had largely been forgotten. What he couldn't forget, however, was the final statement that had prompted it. In addition to being generally a pain, she'd threatened Willow, and that was something he wasn't willing to ignore.

He'd made sure she got home safely, then walked slowly back to his place, trying to come up with some alternative way of dealing with Dru. Unfortunately, there was only one solution that seemed to have any chance of working, so no matter how distasteful the idea was to him, he appeared to have no other choice.

Digging out the address book Willow'd insisted on giving him, he flipped through until he found the page he needed. Then he wasted several moments just staring at her neat handwriting, remembering how adamant she'd been that this information could come in handy, despite his protests that he'd let himself be staked before using it. And he still would, only he wasn't the one being threatened. For the millionth time, he cursed the Initiative; had it not been for them, he never would have found himself caring enough about some silly little human to do what he was about to.

But it had to be done, and best to do it now, get it over with before Dru returned from wherever she'd gone off to while he was out. This was going to be hard enough as it was.

The phone rang several times before someone picked up. "What?" an all-too-familiar voice growled.

"What's the matter, Peaches, start keeping mortal hours?" he taunted.

"Spike?" Angel asked, incredulously. "How did you get this number?"

"Look, we can do the who-hates-who-most bit later. Now, you need to get up here and take care of your bloody daughter. Somewhere far away, for preference. Maybe she'll listen to you."

"Dru? I would think my having anything to do with her would be the last thing you'd want, Spike. And where are you?"

"What, you don't know? I'd've thought the little Slayer woulda told you by now, Peaches. I've been in Sunnydale for going on two years." He grinned despite himself at the reaction that provoked on the other end of the line. "Yeah, well, as much fun as this isn't, can we get back to the point?"

"Which is...?"

"You. Taking Dru far away from here and making sure she never comes back. I don't care how you do it, I just don't want her coming here again," he growled.

"Okay, Spike, let's start from the beginning. What are you two doing in Sunnydale, why haven't I heard about this before, and why are you trying to get rid of Dru?"

"Haven't you been paying attention?" he sighed in frustration. "Look, forget why I'm here; you haven't been told, presumably, because the Slayer didn't think you needed to know. Haven't a clue why Dru is hanging around, even though the Watcher's got me keeping an eye on her to try and find out. Never did figure out how her mind worked. I want her out of my sight because, frankly, I'm sick of her bein' around all the time, and I want her gone today because she threatened Willow."

Spike shifted his weight from one foot to another while nervously waiting for the explosion he knew was coming. To his surprise, Angel just asked softly, "And since when do you care who Dru threatens, Spike?"

He frowned, mumbling an answer, even though he knew his sire wouldn't let him get away with that. "What was that?"

Thankful that it would take Angel a couple of hours to get to Sunnydale from L.A., leaving him plenty of time to hide if necessary--more, in fact, since it would be dawn before his sire could make it there, and that nancy-boy was hardly likely to ruin his precious car by painting over the windows, which meant he'd have to wait for the sun to go back down--Spike took a deep breath and answered again. "Since Red and I are friends."

He winced at the sudden yelling in his ear, until the inevitable threat came. Just why did everyone feel the need to tell him what they'd do if he hurt Willow? He wasn't stupid, he'd known that even before the threats began pouring in. Angel being safely in L.A., he finally let some of his irritation show. "Sorry, mate, but you're going to have to take a number," he snapped.

"What?"

"The way I see it, you bloody wanker, at this point you'd need to queue up behind Xander, the Watcher, and, oh yeah, your precious Buffy; they've all gotten to the 'I'll hurt you horribly' bit long before you. Though I'm afraid there probably won't be much of me left for you to torture once ol' Ripper's done with me."

"Spike--"

"Are you gonna help or not? That's the only thing we have to talk about, Peaches."

There was silence for several moments before Angel sighed in resignation. "I'll leave at sundown. But I'm going to expect some explanations when I get there, Spike."

"Yeah. Right," he scoffed, hanging up before he could get stuck in a discussion of topics he'd really rather avoid.

Part 13

That evening Willow was hanging out with the rest of the gang at Giles', enjoying the fact that they had no big evil to research for a change, when Spike walked in, looking unusually cheerful. Looking up, she met his grin with one of her own, watching as he plopped down in his favourite chair. He didn't speak, but it was clear he was itching to say something. Spike was just brimming with excess energy, to an extent she hadn't seen in quite some time. He didn't seem to want to volunteer the reason for his good mood, however, so she decided to wait and see if one of the others would ask. Besides, she already had a good idea; this must have come from finally declaring his independence from Drusilla.

To Willow's surprise, it was Xander who first noticed. "Hey, what's with him today?"

Spike smirked at him. "What can I say, mate, it's a lovely night."

"Yes, well, don't you think it might be better spent keeping Drusilla from causing trouble? I thought we had an understanding...."

"Yeah, Watcher? Well, it just so happens that Dru isn't going to be a problem from here on out, so I don't need to babysit her any longer."

"And you can guarantee that, can you?" Giles asked skeptically.

"Absolutely. After all, be hard for even her to cause trouble in Sunnyhell from so far away."

Everyone looked at him in shock. Buffy was the first to recover. "Are you saying Psycho Girl's gone?"

"Left town an hour ago," he confirmed, exchanging a smile with Willow.

"Any idea why, or where she's going? We should probably warn Angel she's in the area, in case she tries to go to L.A...."

Spike dismissed that suggestion with a scornful look. "Peaches is the one who got her away from this hellhole, so even though I don't know where he's taking her, I don't think he'll be surprised to see her there."

He just sat back in his chair and enjoyed the show, as the Scoobies--minus Willow, who hadn't known Spike had kicked Dru out of town, but wasn't as surprised by the idea as she would've been the day before--erupted into a barrage of questions and exclamations. Buffy's complaints about not knowing Angel was in town rose above the rest; finally Willow caught her eye and gave a meaningful glance in Riley's direction. The reminder of her current boyfriend's presence was enough to make her look guilty, but she merely switched from asking about Angel to demanding to know why Drusilla had left. The noise continued until Giles called for quiet; hearing him yell shocked everyone into silence.

"Thank you. Now, let's start with the most important issue. Spike, why did Drusilla leave? If she went to cause trouble elsewhere, we have a, a moral obligation to do what we can to stop her, or at least warn the Council so they can do so."

"Not to worry, Rupert, that's not why she left. No, I'm thinking it has more to do with the fact that I got sick of her hanging around and assuming things that are no longer true, and finally I told her so last night."

"Why am I finding the idea of you standing up to your precious Drusilla a bit on the unlikely side?"

Willow couldn't stay quiet any longer. "Oh, but he did! You should've seen it, Buffy," she said eagerly, "he was great! He said to Dru a lot of the things I wish I had told Oz when he came expecting me to take him back, but was too scared to. Me scared, not he scared."

"Whoa, slow down. Let me get this straight. Spike got all Melody Beattie on Dru, and Will was there?"

"Well, not there there. Not in the same room or anything, I mean. But I happened to be dropping by to ask Spike something, and I heard some of it out in the hall."

"Uh huh. And how did Angel get into all this?" Buffy asked, giving Willow a look that clearly said "I don't believe you, but we'll talk more later".

"I called 'im. Now, are we going to talk about this all night, or can we get to the having fun portion of the evening?"

The Slayerettes just sat there in a confused, awkward silence for a few moments--except Willow, who was still beaming at Spike--before Anya ventured, "Bronze?"

"What?"

"This is one of those times when you ignore whatever's just happened and go to the Bronze, right?"

"Xander, you've trained her well," Buffy declared, pulling Riley off the couch and grabbing her jacket. "Bronze it is."

Part 14

Over the next few weeks, with Drusilla gone and no prophecies to worry about, Willow finally started to feel like things were truly back to normal for the first time since what she'd come to think of as the Great Birthday Debacle. It felt a little strange to think about, but she'd realised that the Scooby Gang no longer felt complete if Spike couldn't join them. But that was all over--he seemed to have gotten over whatever mood he'd been in just after her birthday, he was no longer needed to keep tabs on Dru, and her absence made things more comfortable when he did join them, since it meant that Willow didn't have to wear the Kamarás Pendant all the time.

Of course, she still couldn't see all her friends at once, except at night; but that wasn't going to change unless something happened to turn Spike human or something. And even on the Hellmouth, that idea seemed rather far-fetched. If only Angel hadn't destroyed the Gem of Amarra.... But she'd settle for evenings together, and she could always go over to his apartment if she wanted to talk to him earlier, now that the Drusilla paranoia was no longer an issue. Plus, now that it was winter the days were getting shorter, and the no-sunlight thing was less of a problem. Yes, life was good for a change, Willow decided.

And for once, things just got better.

She couldn't wait to get to Giles' and tell Buffy. Briefly the thought that Giles might prefer them to find somewhere else to hang out, so he could have his apartment to himself again, crossed her mind, but she dismissed it; if he didn't want the gang around so much, surely even he would've said something by now. Besides, it made things so much more convenient, when they needed to find each other. Even if what she wanted to talk to the Slayer about this time didn't have anything to do with demons or vampires or anything else that fell in her job description....

Willow grinned to herself. Her thoughts were starting to confuse even her; surely that couldn't be a good sign.

As she'd hoped, Buffy was already there, complaining about not having anything to wear to a party she was dragging Riley to that weekend. Willow tried not to laugh at the sight of Giles trying to look interested while clearly wishing he were anywhere else. Figuring he'd probably been tortured enough for one afternoon, she cheerfully broke in and asked Buffy if she had time for some 'girl talk'. Giles gratefully took the hint, and withdrew.

"So, Wills, what's up?"

"Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You know that movie you wanted us to see on Friday? Well, I can't make it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, oh. I got a date!" Good friend that she was, Buffy promptly joined Willow for a bit of girly squealing at the news, before they both broke down and started laughing at themselves.

"Now that we've completely regressed to junior high, I have only one thing to say: dish!"

"Okay, you know Carolyn? My chem lab partner last term?"

"Yeah...."

"Well, I ran into her at the dining hall this afternoon, and we decided to eat lunch together, catch up. And then she asked me out!!"

"So, you like her, huh?" Buffy asked, trying to sound like she wasn't a little uncomfortable still with the thought of her best friend dating other girls.

"I don't know. I mean, I like her, I'm just not sure if I like her yet. But she's nice, and smart, and funny, and she's the first person to show any interest in me since Tara--"

"I'm not so sure about that," Buffy muttered.

"Trust me, Buff, I think I'd know if someone wanted to go out with me. But anyway, Carolyn. I've decided to try this 'dating to find out if you like them before committing to a relationship' thing I've heard about," Willow grinned. "I mean, Tara and I were pretty much a couple before we ever had our first date, and Oz.... Well, okay, we did the dating thing first, kinda, but I didn't really have a chance. He was the first boy to ever notice me, so it was kind of inevitable that I'd fall for him, you know?"

"Yeah, Will. I know what you mean. So, good for you, officially over Tara."

"I hadn't really thought about it, but yeah, I guess I am. This calls for a celebration!"

"Definite chocolate moment," Buffy declared solemnly.

Saturday, the gang had planned a movie night. Willow bounced into Xander's basement and found everyone already there. From her spot on the floor, Buffy waved her over with a grin.

"So, how'd it go last night? I want details! Well, maybe not details, but...."

"Buffy, I'm offended!"

"No, Will, I'm sorry, I just--"

"I can't believe you think there'd be details already! It was our first date. What kind of girl do you think I am?" Willow grinned.

Buffy sighed in relief. "You're right, of course. And...I'm sorry. For, you know...not wanting to hear them if there had been. I guess it still gets me kinda wigged, the thought of you and another girl...."

"I know, Buff. But you're trying, at least. And that means a lot to me."

"Thanks. So...how did this details-free date go, hmm?"

Before she could reply, Spike leaned over. "What's this about a date?"

"You know, it's that thing where two people spend an evening together in the hopes that they'll fall in love. You might try it sometime."

"Buffy! Was that really necessary?"

"You know, Will, you're right, it wasn't necessary. But it was fun nonetheless," she grinned.

"Fine, be that way," Willow sighed in mock exasperation before turning to Spike. "I had a date last night, with a girl in one of my classes last term. And," she added, turning back to the Slayer, "yes, I had a good time, but no, we certainly did not sleep together."

"So, you going out again?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know."

"Let me put it this way: if she asked you out again, would you say yes?"

"Maybe. I think so. Yeah, I probably would," Willow admitted.

"I'm happy for you, pet," Spike said weakly before sitting back and withdrawing himself from their conversation. Shortly thereafter, Xander returned from the kitchen with popcorn and drinks, and put in the first movie, rescuing her from having to answer any more of her roommate's questions that night.

Part 15

Wonder of wonders, the Hellmouth continued to take it easy on the Scoobies. Even more mundane problems were pretty minor, and Willow wanted nothing more than to just enjoy this reprieve. Spike was in a bit of a mood, but it wasn't anything like the last time; he continued to hang out with them, he was just...quieter than usual. Subdued, almost; considering the way he normally seemed to be overflowing with excess energy, she was a little concerned. She tried asking what was wrong once, but he just brushed her off; she didn't want to press the issue for fear of bringing on a repeat of his complete disappearance.

Despite the risk of smug looks and suggestive comments from Buffy, Willow did indeed see Carolyn again. They went out a few times and always had fun, but she always came away feeling a bit...unsatisfied. The times they went out were great evenings between friends, but as dates, well, they lacked something. Much as she enjoyed spending time with Carolyn, Willow just couldn't feel romantic about her. She just didn't feel that spark that would make her want to move things beyond the platonic.

Willow was confused. Carolyn was smart, funny in that quirky way Willow liked, even pretty. Aside from a complete ignorance of all things supernatural, this girl was everything she was looking for--including completely human, for a change. Yet even when they held hands, kissed goodnight, she never felt any attraction. After a few weeks she broke it off, knowing they'd never be more than friends.

She was long over Tara, she knew that. Even the pain of her betrayal of Willow's trust--different from Oz's, but no less devastating at the time--had faded. So why was she still unable to care about anyone new?

Eventually she gave up on trying to figure out the mystery that was her heart all by herself, and decided it was time to turn to the one person who still knew her better than anyone. Once she got Xander to realise that she was seriously asking for his advice, she managed to explain the problem, more or less. Anxiously she awaited his response.

"Damn, Will," he said at last, "what happened to the days when you came to me with problems like Cordy's gang making fun of your dress?"

"The Hellmouth happened," she answered solemnly.

"Oh yeah." He thought for a minute. "Well, okay. So you're not attracted to this Carolyn. What's the big deal? You'll find someone you do want."

"But who, Xan? In case you haven't noticed, there aren't exactly a lot of girls our age who admit to liking girls. Not in a town this size, especially."

Xander shrugged. "Who's to say the next person you fall for has to be a girl? Just because Tara was? Sorry, Will, but you're not going to convince me you didn't love Oz just as much, maybe more."

"Well...."

"I think you just need to relax; you're trying too hard. It's great that you're ready to start dating again, but there's no need to panic if you don't find someone right off. I mean, you can't expect every date to turn into a long-term relationship just because that's how it happened for us so far. Well, if you don't count Ampata. Or praying mantis lady. And I don't think you could call the Faith incident a date, really.... Okay, so it's just you who's had amazing luck in the romance department. But, see, that proves my point. And I'm sure I'd have even more dates-that-led-nowhere behind me if even one of the non-supernatural girls I tried to ask out in high school other than Cordelia hadn't rejected me before I could even get the words out," he added with some obvious lingering bitterness.

"Aw, Xan...you just weren't asking the right girls." They exchanged a look of silent understanding, their mouths quirking in mutual acknowledgement of feelings they'd never discussed until it was too late. "Besides, I kind of have to hope for more than just a date or two; not exactly like I've got people beating down my door wanting to ask me out."

"So, who says you've got to wait till someone else asks? Especially if you're going to do the girly thing--and by the way, if you ever feel the need to share any, uh, details that Buffy doesn't want to hear, I'm your guy," he said with a sheepish leer, "it seems kind of pointless to fall back on 'I'm the girl, I can't make the first move', you know? It's the twenty-first century, Willow, it's okay to be the one doing the asking."

"I guess you might be right...."

Xander gasped in mock horror. "No! How could you insult me that way! Me, right?"

She giggled. "I know, what is the world coming to?"

"There ya go; if I can be right, you can ask someone out."

"I'll think about it."

And she did. Finally she decided that Xander really was right: not only did she need to stop limiting herself to just looking at one gender as potential romantic partners, but she might need to be the one to initiate things. It was time to put the confidence she'd supposedly gained in recent years to the test. Asking Oz to Buffy's birthday party had nearly given her a panic attack, and she'd already had signs that he was interested in her. You don't take a bullet for just anyone, after all. Starting from scratch, as it were, would not be easy.

She began evaluating everyone she saw in classes or around campus, trying to identify someone she thought might be a good choice. Finally she settled on a guy from her dorm who fit what appeared to be her type--quirky, with a unique sense of style, and above all, taciturn. Perhaps that had been the problem with Carolyn; both Oz and Tara had been quiet, preferring to convey their feelings through action rather than words. Carolyn, on the other hand, was rather talkative--fun in a friend, but maybe not what she was unconsciously seeking in a partner. After all, words could lie so much more easily.... Hopefully David would be closer to what she needed.

Alas, he turned out to be perhaps too laconic. Or maybe she'd just grown used to being around her more outgoing friends. But whatever the reason, much of their date consisted of uncomfortable silence, and she found herself thinking longingly of the night before, when she'd spent several hours just hanging out with Spike, chatting. She knew first dates were usually a little awkward, but this was ridiculous--and she didn't think you were supposed to spend one wishing you were out with friends instead! By the time the date was over, Willow was certain that David was not someone she was destined to spend any length of time with.

Frustrated, she gave up on the dating thing for a while. Instead, she spent the next few weeks just enjoying her friends, and thinking about the various people in her life, past and present. Because she needed to figure out what--and whom--she wanted on her own, she ended up spending a lot of her free time with Spike. Buffy wanted to tease her and talk about Carolyn and David too much, and Xander, well, he still spent too much time distracted by Anya. After their one conversation on the subject, all he'd said was not to risk anything that might subject her to the attention of a vengeance demon, but though she appreciated that he didn't constantly question her like Buffy did, actually hanging out with him wasn't much of an option. Spike, however, remained silent on the subject entirely, and even during her most introspective moments he was willing to just sit with her, not talking at all. He was comforting, just to be with; somehow his presence was soothing, eased her fears of being alone. She realised she felt more comfortable with him, safer, more at home, than she did even with the Scoobies.

One night they were sitting on the steps of her parents' house, just looking at the stars together, enjoying one of their companionable silences, when at length Willow decided it would be a good time to raise an idea she'd been giving a lot of consideration to. "Spike, I've been thinking..." she began, uncertain of how she should continue--or even if it was a good idea to do so at all. If he reacted badly to what she had to say....

"Yeah, pet?" he encouraged when she didn't finish the sentence.

"Well...you know how, a couple of years ago, we were talking about, um, that girl you...didn't hate? And how we sorta agreed it might be better for you not to, you know, say anything or, or try to see where it might lead?"

He was doing that preternatural stillness thing that still unnerved her, even after all the time she'd spent with him the last year. Willow couldn't decide if that was a good sign or not; obviously he was trying to suppress some reaction to her tentative statement, but whether it was a favourable one was another question entirely. He didn't make any move to stop her, however, so she took a deep breath and forced herself to continue.

"Well, anyway, I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and I was wondering...would it really be so bad? I mean, it could be years before the vampire thing would be an issue; we still don't seem to have a way to get rid of the chip, and even if we did, frankly I'm sure Buffy and Giles would never go for it, even if you promised not to harm innocent people and stuff, but anyway, it means that your more violent side wouldn't come between you by causing...her...um, emotional distress, and it'll be, what, another twenty years or more before her mortality will even be something worth beginning to worry about, right? And I was thinking that maybe it would be worth whatever pain your eventual breakup would cause, to be happy now. If you still feel that way about her, I mean. Or am I just way off-base here?"

Her voice trailed off, and the words hung in the air between them for some time as Spike tried to gather his thoughts.

"I understand what you're saying," he replied at last, "but it's not that simple. For one thing, ten or twenty years seems like a long time to humans--especially at your age. But for me, that's practically right around the corner. Hardly any time at all, then it's back to being alone. But I'm selfish, Willow; when I love someone, I do it with my entire being, and I want them with me forever. And I do mean that literally. And when the time comes, if we're together I'm very much afraid I won't be able to resist the temptation to turn you, no matter what your wishes may be," he admitted, deciding the time for subterfuge was long past. It wasn't like she didn't already know he'd been talking about her, after all.

"But who knows, it's possible we'll find we don't have whatever it takes for a relationship to last that long to begin with. Goodness knows I certainly don't have a good track record when it comes to long relationships...."

"Maybe we won't. But even now, much as I care about you as you are--and don't ever doubt that I do--there's a part of me that longs to see what kind of vampire you'd make. There are times I want nothing more than to kill you, and see what sort of demon ends up taking over your body. I don't expect you to understand that--I'm not sure any human could--but it's the truth."

It was now Willow's turn to give serious thought to what had been said, and she did, not wanting to carelessly make a decision that had the potential to completely change both their lives. "I...you're right, I don't really understand that. I mean, the closest equivalent I could think of would be for me to give you back your soul, to make you more like me, I mean, but I wouldn't want that; I like the you I've grown to know over the years, even with all the evil and violence and stuff--as long as it's not directed at anyone, I mean; but they're a part of who you are, those impulses--and if we gave you your soul, you'd be a completely different person. Like Angel was when he lost his, only in reverse.... And I don't want that. I know I should, but I can't bring myself to want to hide you away and replace you with a soul. So yeah, I can't understand why you would want to do the opposite, get rid of my soul and replace me with a demon. I just can't, and maybe I'd have to be a vampire myself before I could. Which kinda defeats the purpose of trying to understand it, doesn't it?"

She sighed. "Maybe I'm the one being selfish, in wanting to try. I mean...after Oz and Tara, I want...well, I realised when she came back that I want what you had with Drusilla. Or, rather, what she had with you; I know her side of the relationship wasn't what it should be, and if we were to try this, I hope I would never be like her that way. Or any way, really."

"Trust me, Willow," he interrupted, "you'll never have to worry about turning into Dru."

"I hope you're right. But...yeah, I guess I want to be worshipped like she was, to know someone's there who'll take care of me and protect me if that's what I want, to feel I'm that important to someone else's life. I want to know what it's like to be loved, well, the way you love. By someone who leaves no opening for my doubts to convince me I should question the truth of their affection. Even if it's just for a few years, I want to be able to look back afterwards and remember that I had that, once in my life. If there's even a chance you could love me like that, I want to try. Because I think...," oh, gods, this was scary! But it needed to be said, so she took a deep breath and forged on. "...I think I could fall in love with you so easily."

They sat there in silence for some time, neither looking at the other, just staring out into the night. Willow, though anxious for some indication of how Spike felt about what she'd said, knew that in the long run a poorly-considered acceptance would end up making her feel worse than a flat-out rejection now, before she allowed herself the opportunity to love him the way she thought she might; so she was in some measure glad he was taking the time to think everything through before replying. It didn't make the time pass any more quickly, however, or the wait any less nerve-wracking.

After nearly half an hour of silent deliberation, she heard him speak a single word.

"Yes."